Merddin Emrys

 

A Sunday morning in the autumn of 1995, as a ballast train arrives with a short rake of ‘codfish’ hopper wagons with 47145 ‘Merddin Emrys’ on the front. Nobody knows who ‘Merddin’ is or was, but it’s thought that she used to run a 2 star bed and breakfast a few miles north of Cardiff. But to be honest that’s only a wild guess. Though I’m sure those of you here that identify as a blue locomotive will be able to enlighten me, and indeed most others here.

Meanwhile, on the wireless, traditional jazz bands Blur and Oasis are as usual are fighting it out in the charts on Radio 3. It’s been going on for months, and to be honest everybody is tired of the Britpop battle apart from the members of Blur or Oasis, or maybe even Pulp who wish they were as popular. 

Brian, on overtime, is stood in the doorway pondering over the day ahead. Casually he looks over at the arrival of the train, and remembers back to when as a lad the only engines were steam and that the sidings here were full of loaded coal wagons. But it’s very different to now, in that demand for coal is much reduced. But he’s not too worried, because he’ll be retiring next year so isn’t concerned about the future of the colliery which looks increasingly like it will close, and then in due course be flattened to make way for a Toys R Us superstore or a drive through Blockbuster video hire shop. 

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GWR Steam Railmotor

There is much excitement down at the docks this morning. Regular readers will know that the inch high people been after a passenger service on the light railway system for some time, with various types of generally unsuitable motive power and trains trialled. 

But finally, could this be the answer? A steam powered ’Railmotor’ which can be made to run on whatever is chucked in to the firebox - as long as it burns of course. There is always rubbish littering the dockyard which can be used, and of course moonshine to help the less combustible items to burn like banana skins and Barry Bullhead’s Y fronts. And there are rumours that it can even run on electricity if power is run through the track, but that’s a silly and dangerous idea. 

Regulars will know that moonshine is literally everywhere in the land of the inch high people, and of course these days far cheaper than petrol, diesel or oil! But there is of course coal, which to be honest is the best option as I’m sure the more nasal of you will point out with firm but shrill delight.

Thank you to the Kernow Model Rail Centre for allowing me to be custodian of their forthcoming new fangled ‘Railmotor’ for 24 hours. I’m dreading telling the little people that its appearance is only brief, and that they’ll have to continue their pursuit of a suitable train. 

https://www.kernowmodelrailcentre.com/pg/144/KMRC-Locomotive---GWR-Steam-Railmotor

Riding the Cushions

Barry Bullhead from The Ministry of Misery and Driver Colin decide to ride the cushions to Highbridge today, despite the offer of a lift from local cad, bounder and ladies’ man Terry Tuttle-Thomas-Smythe in his Triumph Roadster. Whilst Terry’s speedy little number is quick, it’s cramped and handles like a barge. Not great on those windy lanes across The Levels, especially at the speed Terry likes to drive. 

Barry and Colin are heading for Bristol, so once at Highbridge they’ll change train for their final destination. And of course Barry would always rather ride on the former Great Western Railway rather than the old ‘Slow & Dirty’ via Evercreech Junction, Bath and eventually Bristol. Colin would rather take the latter route, which takes at least twice as long. This is mostly due to it having more stops with good pubs near stations to help pass the time due the inevitable delays caused by single line working on much of the route. 

We of course have no idea what ‘business’ Barry has planned for today, but because he works for The Ministry of Misery, it’s unlikely to favour anyone apart from him, and certainly not us common folk. Colin is just going for the ride, and of course a cider or 7, this week he being on his rest days with free rail travel as a railway employee. 

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Competition

Third brother triplets (it’s complicated I know), Comical Ned (with the funny shaped head), former boxer Gaylord Grip, ‘oh my gawd’ Oliver assisted by Deidre Dinkle - flirty darling of the butter making department at the creamery and Rufus the Hound have formed a splinter moonshine collective. The old shelter and disused loading gauge hut being an ideal location for such an operation for a week or two. Though the occasional passing trains could be an issue, but their crews will easily be bribed I’m sure. 

Barry Bullhead, the corrupt official from The Ministry of Misery and moonshine moonlighter Deliberation Dave have heard about the new collective on ’their patch’ and have visited to ‘have a few words’. 

Barry and Dave might struggle here, because the third brother triplets are big chaps, Rufus the Hound has the ability to lick forever and Deidre has well known magic charms with any men she meets, even charmless types like Barry Bullhead. 

This story will continue I’m sure….

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Monochrome Monday

Monochrome Monday. A ‘USA’ tank loco trundles past The Kettle, a right old dive of a boozer. It’s known for its weekly ladies’ wasp chewing competition, knuckle sandwiches, snooker ball fights and rancid warm flat beer of unknown origin. 

That looks like Beryl’s old Austin 7 parked outside, we’re not seen her for a while, but I imagine she’s still in the pub from last night arm wrestling yesterday’s wasp chewing winner ‘well ard’ Rita Codfinger.

Sunday Engineering

It’s a dull and damp November Sunday deep in The Forest. There has been some engineering further down the line, and a ballast train has arrived unusually hauled by a Class 20 to run around its train of ‘Dogfish’ ballast hopper wagons before returning the Lydney. For the number crunchers, it’s 20064 ‘River Sheaf’, and apparently a bit of a celebrity locomotive in spotterdom. 

The wagon on the left has been parked up here at the colliery since last weekend, it suffering a fault with one of its brakes, however it’s now been fixed by Harry the Hammer mostly using a mallet. The wagon will be attached to the train for Lydney shortly. That’s Harry looking a little cold stood next to the offending wagon, but with his work done for today, he’ll be heading over to The Miners for a jug or three of finest whilst warming up next to the pub’s open fire. 

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Love Triangle

It’s Saturday morning, and the 10am goods from Highbridge has an unscheduled stop. Passed cleaner, confident Keith, knew that Deidre Dinkle, you know, the much loved flirty darling of the butter blending department from Hemyock creamery, was visiting her grandmother at Catcott. Of course, no description is required for what’s happening. 

Young farmer George has wanted to give Deidre a ride on his throbbing tractor for some time - albeit unsuccessfully. Poor George, for sadly it now looks like that’s never going to happen, Deidre would much rather have a man who can handle a hot steamy locomotive with the ability toss coal 45 feet with the quick effortless flick of a shovel. All George is able to offer her is the occasional day out muck spreading and a bumpy ride on his slow tractor. 

But, despite the preference for a man who can tame hot steamy beasts, Deidre’s body language very much suggests ‘no’ to the advances of confident Keith. The story will continue I’m sure. 

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Guy Fawkes

 

Guy Fawkes in the UK is mostly about celebrating a chap who sadly didn’t manage to blow up the Houses of Parliament. Only in Little Britain do we celebrate our overloads winning over the little people. In commemoration, every year on the 5th of November, I burn one of my layouts. This is Catcott Burtle at 6.30 this morning, and once the flames dropped back a little and the smell of burning plasticard receded, I barbecued some sausages over it for breakfast. Delicious. 

Dynamometer Car

Every year in early November, all employees including the shunting horses - even the conversational Latin speaking ones like Hubert here, are given a full health check. In charge of operations, Barry Bullhead from the Ministry of Misery, has hired in an ancient dynamometer coach from British Railways to gauge employee pulling strength. 

Hubert is the first off the mark, and after a couple of grunts in Latin, has no problem pulling the ancient heavy pile of wood, leather, brass and steel along the tracks at a whopping 4.65 miles per hour over a distance of 100 yards. 

To the right, ‘Oh my gawd’ Oliver looks on in horror, for whilst he’s well known for pulling people’s legs and playing tricks, he’s pretty sure he won’t be able to pull the carriage even a 16th of an inch. 

Click on photo for a bigger view…

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The making of, Flat Earthers will love this view 

Weird & Wacky Wednesday

Weird & Wacky Wednesday. The dull day in the middle of the week, where the weekend still feels just that bit too far away. 

In today’s load of mid-week weird nonsense, we observe Hubert the conversational Latin speaking horse, giving ‘Shed’ No 618 some tips on how to make its familiar electro-mechanical ’ying ying ying’ sound appear more cultured. Some of you, my loyal readers, I know are fluent in conversational Latin, so might be able to help here, for as much as I try, I cannot find ‘Ying ying ying’ in any Latin phrase books, so do feel free to comment and boom like a sadistic public school Latin teacher or a bumbling Boris Johnson. 

‘Shed’, by the way, is the nickname given to Class 66 engines by mostly socially challenged lonely men and boys who hang around on the end of station platforms and railway bridges. They like to give engines names based on familiar objects, mostly to stop the general public having a clue of what they’re on about. Though to be honest, ‘Class 66’ by most will be thought as being the year they left school - if they left school in 1966 of course - certainly not an engine built in London, Ontario. 

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‘Shiners

 

Deep in the forest, a dull misty 1st of November greets the arrival of the empties at the colliery. There is not a great deal of activity at the mine these days, but it just about breaks even for now. 

The night shift is quiet in the winding house, so it’s currently being used by the local moonshiners to wield their boozy craft. The colliery management are rather dim, so haven’t realised that the huge tower still that’s been set up within for weeks isn’t actually part of the winding mechanism. And of course those who actually work the mine, are more than happy for the activity to take place, as they enjoy a share of the profits, whilst learning new skills which will be useful when the colliery finally closes. 

The ‘shiners must take more care with that fresh filled oak cask though, for clearance is a little tight with the railway being so close to the doors. Slowly does it.

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Halloween

 Happy Halloween / Samhain 🎃👻🎃👀

The Present Day

I was just going through some early construction photos of Polbrook Gurney from before I expanded the layout and added the colliery to the rear and canal basin to the fore.

However, this shot could easily pass for the present day, with 66618 ‘Railways Illustrated’ rumbling though on a cement train. The former Pedant & Armchair is now a private dwelling, the last pint being pulled many moons ago. The canal basin is now silted up and nature has taken over. And of course the colliery is long gone and a small forest has taken over the site. 

Surprisingly the corrugated shelter still survives, I’m guessing that would have been one of the first things to go. So in this case I’ll just imagine that some sentimental enthusiasts unofficially look after it, though it does look overdue for another splash of paint. 

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The Tale of Two Lions

The complex railway network down at the docks is often used for new locomotive trials due to its remote location in the middle of nowhere away from prying eyes. The rough old track and tight curves being a good test for new engines. 

This morning, the inch high people have been eagerly awaiting the arrival of the new much hyped type 4 express diesel electric locomotive D0260 ’Lion’ recently built by Birmingham Railway Carriage Company’s works in Smethwick. But it looks like there’s been a mix up at The Ministry of Misery with the paperwork, for instead they’ve received a non-working stuffed tiger (or lion in this case) of a shiny museum piece also called ‘Lion’ from the local museum. 

The loco crew aren’t too impressed, for they had to push the whole train by tractor for the last 2 miles, and now the weather is changing and it’s starting to rain. The crew were hoping for a nice warm dry cab to spend the morning in putting the new shiny diesel loco though it’s paces around the dockland lines. 

The man in charge, Barry Bullhead from The Ministry of Misery (that’s him with the bowler hat), unusually and most out of character, has bought a crate of 9% cider to try to alleviate the situation. He’s realised that the chances of him being left on his own with the non-working engine in the rain are quite high, whilst everyone else heads for the pub leaving him to return the engine single handed to the museum before they notice it’s missing. 

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Team Building

In deepest Devon, Barry and Dave watch the arrival of coal at the creamery from the safety of the bridge. Today they’re running moonshine laced cider from the nearby independent principality of Somerset, the illicit liquor being hidden inside fibreglass sheep in the trailer behind their Land Rover. Nobody will ever know apart from the fact that they don’t ‘bahhh’, they only rattle together as the trailer makes its way along the bumpy rural lanes of east Devon. But Dave, being a ventriloquist in his former life, is good at surreptitiously making animal noises as and when required.

Doug, ready with shovel, hates Fridays, for he’ll need to move a huge amount of coal about. He has Dizzy Lizzy as his new helper today, but between you and me, she has a record for not sticking at any job longer than it takes for a lettuce to wilt. 

And finally, if you zoom in to the right, you can just make out the white clad creamery staff playing chess with milk churns. It’s all part of this new fangled  ‘team building’ initiative to avoid staff having to perform any actual work, thus not having a case for any kind of pay rise. To those not in the know,  ‘team building’ is a thing created by bloated middle management trying to justify their often pointless positions.

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Wild Sky Wednesday

Wild Sky Wednesday! ‘Oh don’t you know dear boy’ Ivan Locksmith and local dirty rotten scoundrel & ladies’ man Terry Tuttle-Thomas-Smythe, prepare for another race around the narrow lanes of the Somerset Levels. Meanwhile the mid morning goods from Highbridge slows to collect and drop off a wagon or 2. All perfectly timed to create a wonderful cameo, such luck!

Over to the right, having been watching the development of the apocalyptic storm of doom forming over Mendip, Deliberation Dave and ‘oh my gawd’ Oliver (twin half brother of Comical Ned) are shocked to see that TTS has the roof down on his Triumph Roadster. And of course there is not an umbrella or  raincoat in sight. Nasal Nigel today is the only person with such attire, in fact that’s all he wears, even during a mid summer heatwave - but we won’t go there. Actually we will, you’d be disappointed otherwise…

It’s likely they’ll all be running for the goods shed shortly, and fingers crossed Nasal Nigel isn’t already in there playing with his Hornby Dublo streamlined A4 Pacific (this photo being taken before the acquisition of his later much loved Triang Hornby English Electric Type 3 diesel which has yet to be invented). 

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Dizzy Lizzie

 

Dizzy Lizzie, recently shamed former Prime Minister from the Ministry of Misery, assisted by her loyal playful hound Kamikaze Ken who can bark backwards, starts her new job of crossing keeper. Although it’s her first shift, she already has plans to get the train crew to open and close the gates, thus rendering her role, erm, well, err, pointless. She will of course run in to trouble with the unions, but she’s used to not being at all popular. 

Between you and me, I think it’s unlikely that she’ll last long, with the next crossing keeper almost certainly reversing any new work practices, not that they’ll be agreed to in the first place of course. 

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Peregrine Pinch

Sunday morning at the colliery. Deep in the Forest and Peregrine Pinch, holidaying lifeguard from Chertsey Meads, eyes up the pannier tank engine bought in at the last moment to replace the more regular Peckett due to a dodgy tube. 

Peregrine always wanted to drive a steam locomotive, but failed the initial tests despite being educated at Eton College, but to be honest the skills taught at such places are more suited to dirty rotten scoundrels who want a career in politics. I digress, for our bright spark here likes to dress up as an engine driver when not rescuing drunken sunday walkers who’ve fallen in to the Thames. Hence the attire which has somehow or other has allowed him to trespass without being questioned. Yet. 

‘6 wheels rather than 4’ he thinks, ‘that must be most confusing for the loco crew when they’re so used to just 4. Getting all those wheels running at the same speed must be quite tricky, a bit like spinning dinner plates on a stick. I wonder how the engine balances on those rails, they being so narrow? The loco crew must be so clever, maybe they have to train as tight rope walkers before before bring considered for the job?’

It will be interesting to witness Peregrine’s confused reaction if ever he sees a Beyer Garratt 2-6-0+0-6-2 locomotive. 

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Pond Water

Saturday morning behind The Pedant & Armchair pub. Nothing too unusual going on as Pete & Dud barter over a crate of hooch. Fruit fanciers will notice the huge apples in the tree waiting to drop. That’s mostly due to the highly polluted pond water. The pond water is also used in the hooch and beer production, giving it a certain something special, it being pumped directly in to the brewhouse unfiltered. It also glows in the dark, something that will be appreciated in the forthcoming dark winter of discontent in Little little little Britain, where the few pubs still trading will be able to see and serve beer during a power cut. 

Meanwhile Gary & Barry watch Little Jim pass by with the mid morning goods to Frome. I’m not sure what they’re planning, but we can be sure it won’t be legal and almost certainly only be in their interests. That will no doubt be a tale for another day from the land of the inch high.  

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Just Imagine…

September 1994, and a somewhat more mature Terry Tuttle-Thomas-Smythe and Ivan Locksmith are heading for Highbridge. They no longer drive due to them both losing their licenses due to constant excessive speeding. ‘Oh my gawd’ Oliver, having finally passed his driving test at the age of 56 after 27 fails thought he’d never see the day that Terry and Ivan take the train. 

Put your rose tinted glasses on, and just imagine if the Somerset & Dorset line across the Somerset Levels never closed? With Glastonbury Festival being open 51 weeks of the year as a permanent music festival, a sort of  ‘Butlins’ for musos, hippies, eco types, vegetable fanatics and Guardian readers. It of course now has its own railway station, that opening in the late 1970s due to demand and the fact that Glastonbury town is nowhere near the festival site. 

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Spotters

We’ve not seen everyone’s favourite sweaty bus-spotter extraordinaire Nasal Nigel for a while. This is due to him spending time at a des res high up on Dartmoor for a few weeks after one of his regular misdemeanours involving a Triang Hornby English Electric Type 3, whilst dressed only in a flasher-mac hanging about at Taunton Bus Station. 

Here is our loveable little chap spotted at a quarry as he makes his way back home to ‘mother’ on foot, he having been banned from using all public transport for 3 months. 

You’ll notice that no one is about, but of course they are, they’re just hiding and viewing from afar hoping that he’ll soon move on - this photo being taken with a long lens from the relative safely of a badger sett. 

But little do they know, for Nigel can literally hang about for hours and hours  waiting to bore the socks off an unsuspecting victim so he can lecture them  about the different types of inlet manifold gasket used on a 1963 vintage London Transport Routemaster bus. Waiting is of course a vital skill most train and bus spotters are well practised at, as they await that exclusive ‘cop’. 

And in that note, many of you my dear readers who are keen ‘spotters’, whether it be trains, buses, planes, Eddie Stowbart lorries, vintage real ale pump clips, mercury vapour street lights or bearded ladies, what’s the longest you have waited for that all exclusive and highly desired ‘cop’? 

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Bridge Infill

By 1969, Polbrook Gurney Colliery had closed and been razed to the ground.  For those unfamiliar with the location, the colliery used to tower above the corrugated waiting shelter on the left. The halt is now disused, the only action being the occasional fertiliser trains to and from Avonmouth and demolition trains from the now closed Somerset & Dorset line. 

The Pedant & Armchair pub is hanging in there, but with the closure of the colliery, the only customers are the occasional railway enthusiast, though they are few and far after the end of steam. Also groups of rambling ramblers meet up from time to time to ramble on about farmers blocking public rights of way. But the landlord and his wife want to retire, and despite trying to find a buyer, there has been zero interest, so it’s likely to go the way of the colliery eventually, for the building is in a bad state and needs a lot of investment. 

Winding the clock forward to the present day, with the railway now long gone, the remains of the platform can just about be made out in the undergrowth, but with most the more prime pieces of limestone that make it up pinched. The bridge above our photographer also survives, but Highways England controversially want to infill it in with concrete at great expense to the tax payer. This of course will block a rural thoroughfare for wildlife, and of course those rambling ramblers. There is nothing really wrong with the bridge, apart from a little repointing being required. However the local rambling group and more eminent locals are on the case which has been dragging on for well, over a year. Fingers crossed. 

Where the pub was, now stands 3 retirement bungalows, the former landlord and landlady having lived in one of them until the early 80s. But sadly they are no longer with us. The site of the former colliery is now a bland housing estate of mid 1970s near identical low grade badly maintained homes built from beige reconstituted stone. 

So for any keen railway archaeologists reading this, there isn’t a huge amount to see, but if you do go, be sure to send in a few photos for me to share. 

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Amazon Purchase

The clueless management at the colliery have been buying on Amazon again when they should have gone to a specialist retailer and received proper advice on narrow gauge engines. Meanwhile, discussion is going on to see who’ll be small enough the crew the miniature loco. Neil, kneeling down is the first candidate because he always does what he’s told - the snivelling little tick. And Rodney the hound, just to the right of the smoke box is being bribed with treats to volunteer as driver. Such a clever boy 🐾

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New ‘Wheels’

Former diagonal geezer-bloke, boxer, thug, flash-Harry and Audi driver Gaylord Grip brings his latest rail mounted ‘wheels’ along the narrow gauge railway to The Star pub on the wharf. Twin half brothers ‘Oh My Gawd’ Oliver and Comical Ned (with the funny shaped head) pop out of the public bar to gawp at Gaylord’s old heap of a find. The old ‘rail bus’ for want of a better description, has been cobbled up from the remains of a wartime Nissen hut, an old garden shed and a charabanc chassis with replacement railway wheels. 

PC McFuzz who just so happens to be passing at the end of his shift isn’t too amused. For it’s quite likely that the train isn’t ‘rail-worthy’ and certainly can’t be parked in front of the pub for any length of time blocking the thoroughfare. In the meantime with all the distraction going on, pub landlord Shamus and Waving Wayne unload a few wooden casks of illicit moonshine spiked entire stout. 

In the middle distance, Barry Bullhead from the Ministry of Misery, and driver & local councillor Colin casually keep an eye on what’s going on. And of course for a healthy share of any dodgy profits will ensure that the local chamber of commerce and the law won’t get in the way of things. Nothing to see here, business as usual, carry on. 

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