Return to the Miners Arms

 Here we are again at Whimsy Pit and wharf. 

The pit is a sort of sham, it being mostly used for storage of illicit booze and dodgy smuggled items. Though it does produce a tiny quantity of coal, just enough to tick enough boxes to satisfy The Ministry of Mayhem, though 90% of the coal mined is used just to keep the water pumps throbbing way so the mine doesn’t flood. 

On the locomotive, Waving Willy under the watchful eye of Rufus Hound is about to collect a wagon destined for Fountain Colliery. This wagon is also a sham, for those with good eyesight will be able to pick out ‘Return to the Miners Arms’, it being nothing to do with the nearby Fountain Colliery. The wagon is used for smuggled goods, mostly casks of illicit booze destined for the pub mentioned. All hidden under a light coal load of course. 

The wooden casks about to be loaded, have just been rolled off the coastal steam freighter which recently arrived from Flat Holm (formerly known High Holm until a devastating moonshine explosion). Regular readers of my nonsense will know that the islands of Flat Holm and Steep Holm in the middle of The Bristol Channel have been used for illicit booze production for several hundred years, well, rumour has it anyway. 

Next, the casks will be craned in to the wagon, but the harness used to hold the casks appears to have gone missing. It’s possible that Nasal Nigel who was spotted nearby recently has something to do with this, for he loves being trussed up like a Christmas turkey clutching his TT scale Flying Scotsman which he’s modified so it can run off mains voltage. 

But fear not, Steve and his trusty spanner has just arrived to cobble something together, for there’s nothing Steve can’t do with his trusty tool which he always has by his side. 

As soon as the sun sets, the little engine and its load will be on its way avoiding being spotted, covertly travelling the rail network after dark back to The Miners Arms. 

And finally, although this engine is ‘fireless’, is has a tiny internal combustion engines to allow it to reach its destination when it runs out of pufferty puff. And there we are being lead to believe that this range extending ‘hybrid’ technology is something new. 

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The Beast of Sedgemoor

Poke to enlarge 

Unlike in full sized England, which is now officially twinned with Atlantis due to all the rain, here at Whimsy Pit it’s a beautiful hot sunny day. 

Former publican, now turned conversational Latin speaking horse whisperer Shamus O’Shandy, is asking Hubert the conversational Latin speaking horse if he’d like to have a day out fishing in his new rowing boat. That’s it up against the wall next to Benny who’s counting old cartwheel spokes just in case the number has changed overnight. Which they do from time to time oddly enough. 

However Hubert, who is such a clever horse, suggests that it might be a little too small for the both of them, especially if they catch a really huge fish or spy submarine causing them to capsize. And anyway, Hubert much prefers to be on dry land as he mutters something about seahorses and webbed hooves. 

Meanwhile, Freddy the Flag standing next to Driver Peter and his Peckett locomotive is keeping an eye out for The Beast of Sedgemoor which was spotted by several people overnight around pub closing time roaming the bogs. Though that might just be the effect of a night out on moonshine laced rough scrumpy cider which is known for its hallucinogenic qualities. 

And finally, smoke fanatics will notice how both the steam freighter in the distance and the locomotive have an almost identical smoke pattern. Such synchronised firemanship skills takes years to learn, and I hope you agree they’ve really pulled it off this morning to an Olympic level. 

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Fully Compensated Chassis Saturday

 

It’s Fully Compensated Chassis Saturday 

Here we are at Polbrook Gurney Colliery, and a few of the inch high are off on a trip to Bath for a pub crawl. 

As they wait for their service to Binegar where they’ll change for the Bath train, the daily Frome to Highbridge via Evercreech Junction pick up goods rumbles through. 

After their pub crawl they’ll stop over in Bath for the weekend and probably have several more pub crawls before returning Monday morning. For trying to get back to Polbrook any time after 5pm is always a challenge with poor connections and a head of booze. 

The reality, the 4F is one of my oldest locomotives, it’s a ready to run Airfix loco bought around 45 years ago from Beatties in Southampton. It’s since had a replacement Comet chassis, a repaint, renumber and much of the moulded detailing replaced with wire etc. I think it still stands its ground, as well as running a complete dream with the most incredible pulling power due to chassis compensation. 

Toot toot

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Rapido Fireless Andrew Barclay 0-4-0

 

Tap to blow up big 

Today we’re back again at Whimsy Pit and wharf. 

A fireless Andrew Barclay No.2 has managed to covertly make the journey all the way overnight from Brew Street (see yesterday’s post) to collect a few tatty old wagons containing illicit goods, some of which is believed to have come by the old steam freighter in the background from the tax free island of Flat Holm (formerly known as High Holm until the great moonshine explosion of 1893). 

Due to the limited range of a fireless locomotive and lack of facilities to recharge the reservoir, you’ll note that it appears to have been fitted with a mast (and hopefully sail) allowing it to continue on its journey, wind direction and strength permitting, whilst finding a route without tunnels and bridges. 

Rumour has it electric car manufacturers are looking at this range extending option too. But of course low bridges and overhead motorway signage will have to be avoided. 

Meanwhile Blue Maggie (estranged half twin sister of Red Rachel) is chatting about smashing the equine unions with the Hubert the conversational Latin speaking horse who today is in charge of mine tubs. This could potentially end in a strike with all railway and mining horses walking out. 

And finally, today Rufus Hound is covering for Bob Geeza Cat in adding compositional interest and balance to photographs. 

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Lost False Teeth

It’s a lovely sunny summery Front End Friday at Whimsy Pit and wharf, and shunter Colin is looking for his false teeth that fell out whilst shouting out instructions to the engine crew who are retrieving some ancient side tipping wagons used for spoil removal. 

Bob Geeza Cat is having a day off, but despite this, never turns down the offer to pose in photographs like this one to balance or add interest. 

Meanwhile Beryl’s Austin 7 is about to be carefully moved out of the way by the Ruston Bucyrus front shovel after she abandoned it hastily rushing for the boat to Flat Holm in the middle of the Bristol Channel well over a week ago. 

She’s not been seen since, so she’s probably still on the island helping the younger more strapping moonshiners, for she loves a ‘young strapping man who can’. 

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The Man Cave

Tab to blow up 

Part of my railway room, and 3 of my smaller layouts. I have a similar set up on the other side of the room with Catcott and Polbrook Gurney Collery. 

The ones here, from left to right are; Whimsy Pit, Fountain Colliery, a mini product photography booth and Brew Street. 

They’re all removable, fully operational and can be attached to fiddle/staging yards should I ever take them to an exhibition. Fountain Colliery and Brew Street can be joined together end to end to make a bigger layout. 

They all have built in photography grade lighting. For some reason my iPhone has made the skies appear far more blue than they actually are. 

When they’re all lit up like this, I’m sure the neighbours think I’m growing something dodgy or have a strange tropical fish tank collection.

The Border

Tap to blow up 

The railway siding next to the Kettle Inn marks the boundary between the tax free county of Somerset and the rest of Little England. 

Much illicit trading of goods happens at this point, moonshine being traded for cheese being quite high in the list of produce, along with potted Mendip snails and of course proper farmhouse cider in exchange for beer from Burton. 

Though quite why you’d want beer from Burton I’ve no idea, because Somerset have some great breweries. Though a lot of folks from the Midlands retire and holiday in Somerset, so there must be a market for beer that smells of stale eggs, aka, ‘Burton Snatch’ (Google it). 

Until recently this spot has very much been under the radar due to the impossible task of trying to police the activity. But it looks like Red Rachel from the Ministry of U Turns has found out. 

However rumour has it that she’ll soon leave the ministry and is looking for a nice pub to run, so her appearance here might not be quite we’re thinking, for if she takes over The Kettle Inn, she’ll be looking for booze and other produce to sell like bare knuckle scratchings and deep fried spicy wasps. 

Meanwhile Waving Willy has just turned up with his scruffy old engine for his morning break, this being a popular spot with loco crews in search of a refreshment between shunting duties. 

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Silent Whistle Way

Tap to enlarge 

Its late summer of 1966, six months after closure of Combwich and a Class 22 diesel hydraulic arrives to collect wagons of scrap prior to the lifting of the rails. 

This is now the site of a scruffy housing estate, you know, the type that has pebbledash prefabricated concrete garages, dumped cars, hundreds of random wheelie bins with broken lids and torn refuse sacks that the local fox population have been exploring the contents of. 

Apart from the odd railway named road like ‘Beechings Close’ or ‘Silent Whistle Way’ you’d never know that there had once a railway here. Though the railway has been gone for so long, few will even get the railway connection. 

Toot toot

Flood Preparation

Prod to blow up 

Former pub landlord Shamus O’Shandy and Andrew Barclay pause to enjoy in the lovely late summer morning at Whimsy Pit.

This little known coastal pit and wharf marks the far western extremity of the North Somerset coal field. However the tiny mine is used mostly as a storage facility for illicit goods and other contraband, but a token amount of coal is bought to the surface to justify its existence and just about covers the cost of keeping the water pumps running. 

High water springs and a gusty southwesterly are due, so an old dinghy has been placed near the tracks just in case there’s a little flooding. Though climbing up on to the engine is probably a better option, for if it does flood it will only be a foot or two deep. And anyway the dinghy has no oars or anchor, so will float away into the Bristol Channel before it’s of any use. 

Meanwhile having built up a good head of steam, the old coastal steam freighter is about to head off to Flat Holm, a small island in the middle of the Bristol Channel to collect a fresh batch of moonshine. 

Flat Holm used to be called High Holm, but frequent moonshine production explosions over the years have reduced the island’s height, hence it now being called Flat Holm. 

The eagle eyed will spot Bob Geeza Cat standing on the roof of the bridge, he’s off to the island with Beryl for a few days holiday, Bob for the rodents, and Beryl for the strapping young men who produce the moonshine. That’s her Austin Seven by the way. 

And finally, most of my posts are based on a suspect reality, so should not be taken too seriously by scholars seeking total historical accuracy. 

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After the Storm

Lick to enlarge, sanitise screen after 

3 or 4 times a year during storm conditions and extra high spring tides, the sidings at Whimsy Pit flood for a few hours. 

Luckily the entrance to the mineshaft is sufficiently high not to flood, though it did once when the snows during the winter of 1947 melted and it coincided with the highest spring tide in years. Luckily nobody was injured because they’d bunked off early to the pub. 

After these occasional occurrences, an inspection train travels the line to check that everything is okay. Which is usually is luckily. 

Hiding in the cab out of sight, Tom & Laurie arrive with their small green engine and short train, but because the windows are filthy they can’t see where they’re going. So because of this, Leather Apron Lookout Larry from the fish gutters is hired to stand on the front of the engine as an extra pair of eyes issuing instructions as required. 

When going in reverse, on the brakevan you can just about make out brothers Waving Willy and Waving Woger who perform a similar task, though because they wave 24/7 even when sleeping, things can get confusing, though aggressive seagulls do tend to keep their distance. 

On the track, Freddy Flag keeps an eye on things as Pickaxe Pete has a plan which involves making holes in the track bed and through the baseboard, in the hope that next time things flood the water will drain faster. 

Under the end of the rainbow our favourite moonshiners have struck gold as they successfully trial out their new nimble mobile moonshine production unit which sits on a 3 wheeled Scammell, thus making it ideal for those narrow country lanes as they try to evade the local old Bill. 

And finally, Bob Geeza Cat does his best to balance the composition, for he is such a clever cat 🐾

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Push & Shove

Tap to blow up big 

It’s Twin Tank Loco Thursday (or ‘two times’ if still at nursery school or from ‘merica). 

Like excited puppies, Peter and his Peckett and Harry and his Hunslet have been playfully pushing and chasing each other around the sidings all morning. Though Harry does have the advantage of the bigger engine. But Peter’s engine is more nimble. Ah, the innocent joys of inch high Little England where nothing really matters. 

But now it’s time for a quick break before getting on with some actual work seeing that Freddy Flag and Harry the Hammer have appeared to coordinate and fix things. 

Bob Geeza Cat is of course is enjoying the warmth of the engine, he’s always good at seeking such spots, for he’s such a clever cat 🐾

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Whimsy Pit - New Layout!!

Click to blow up 

A summery morning at Whimsy Pit, a little known colliery on the North Somerset coast. 

Being next to the sea, it’s a bit of a wet mine, so the water pumps have to work quite hard, they being operated by small children deep underground on tread wheels. On really wet days the children are fed with blue Smarties to make them more productive. 

This is quite common in Little England where TikTok has yet to be used as a means of keeping children fit. But miniaturisation will no doubt change this in due course, with silly dancing replacing the tread wheels, though they’ll still be allowed blue Smarties as a special treat after Sunday school. 

Quite a few coal mines extend under the sea especially in the northeast of Little England, so this isn’t unusual, but it’s the only one to do so in the Somerset coal field, this being the western extremity which extends under the Bristol Channel. 

Meanwhile an ex GWR pannier tank has just dropped off a wagon to collect what little coal is mined here, which makes one wonder just how profitable the tiny mine really is. But rumour has it that the coal has a high concentration of treacle, copper, lead and other rare earth minerals making it much sought after by sponge pudding and treacle tart manufacturers as well as the plumbing, pharmaceutical, and science industry. 

Treacle is of course a bi product of the sugar refining industry, but this naturally occurring version is thought to be far superior, especially when mixed in with coal, lead, copper and other minerals. 

Meanwhile Deliberation Dave and Bob Geeza Cat are looking over at Ivan Locksmith who is standing on the wagon loading platform, they’re wondering what he’s up to, Ivan being midway though smoking something exotic that he’s grown in his giant greenhouse that rivals the one at Kew Gardens. 

Why Ivan is here I’m not sure sure, but he’s probably after a lump or two of the ‘special coal’ to grind up and mix with some of his ‘special’ herbs that he grows. 

And finally, the sidings here can get quite boggy, they being just a few feet above sea level, so it’s not unknown for them to occasionally flood during a high water spring tide making it quite a haven for wildlife and lost shoes. 

👀

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3i/Atlas Meets Dr Pooh & The Turdis

There’s been a lot of talk about 3i/Atlas from the planet Zob in the news recently. 

There’s been much speculation about what it could be, a comet, a giant alien tuna and mayo baguette, a missing WW2 aircraft carrier, the Titanic, an MP that’s not self serving, an interesting part Bedfordshire (nah, that’s beyond ridiculous) , or simply a lump of rock floating aimlessly through space. 

But now we finally know, it was a locomotive used for experimentation in the 1960s Space Race, which after 60 or so years bouncing around in lower space orbit has finally re-entered the Earth atmosphere and landed here on Brew Street, it looking rather battle scarred from the extreme heat. 

Should anyone ask, that’s Dr Pooh with his budget ‘Tardis’ called ‘The Turdis’ on the roof. Unlike the Tardis, it’s far far far far far smaller on the inside than the outside. It’s rumoured thar Nissan based their ‘Juke’ SUV on the concept, but with some minor exterior restyling. 

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Strange Noises at Night

Here we have a modern day view near the former Polbrook Gurney Colliery as a Freightliner Class 66 trundles towards the camera with a cement train past the side of what was The Pedant & Armchair pub. 

The pub closed shortly after the closure of the colliery in 1975, Polbrook Gurney Colliery being the last of the North Somerset Collieries outliving the more well known Writhlington Pit by just a few months. 

Curiously a line still runs into the former colliery which closed half a century ago, that’s it disappearing off to the right. It appears to be well maintained too, but its purpose is a bit of a mystery, for even Network Rail don’t know why they have to maintain it in fully working order, for no trains are ever seen or diagrammed. 

Locals to the area say that from time to time in the small hours during the winter that they hear the clanking of coal trucks and the toot of an engine whistle. But nobody has ever seen anything. 

Only the other night such noises were heard again, so a couple of former regulars from The Pedant & Armchair went to investigate, but as soon as they got close, the noises stopped. 

🎄

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Crabtree Lane - New Layout

Rub to enlarge 

An idyllic country railway scene at Crabtree Lane as the 11.04am Wadebridge to Bodmin General pauses to pick up a few passengers. 

To the left, Toby and Timothy eye up a tray of moonshine that’s been left in exchange for a tank load of Super and a stale pasty. Though it was pointed out that the owner could have run his car on moonshine. 

Celebrated average photographer Ivan Locksmith stands next to his Bentley to watch the train come through. He’s quite frustrated in that he’s run out of film, for it would have made a lovely photograph. 

Meanwhile over on the platform, Red Rachel from the Ministry of Misery accounts department is looking at the former station pub which is now a private dwelling due to tax rises making the business unviable. 

This is another tick in the Ministry of Misery’s quest to get rid of all pubs by this time next year. Next her thoughts will turn towards reintroducing the window tax for former pubs and in due course also greenhouses that produce homegrown food for the domestic market. 

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This is a scene from a new garage sized railway I’m currently working on. Photos may occasionally appear, or maybe not. 

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Dearest Knows Best

There was plenty of snow overnight at Windmill Sidings, as a positively gleaming engine appears to collect a short train-load of Brussels sprouts. For Christmas cometh, and the inch high need to start boiling their sprouts so they’re ready for Christmas dinner which is now less than 3 weeks way.

I’ve seen quite a few people using aye eye to create winter scenes with their model railway photos. But none of that nonsense here, what you see it a good dusting of bicarbonate of soda sieved over everything. At a push, flour works too, but bicarbonate of soda clumps a little and can even have a light sparkle if you get the lighting right. It’s whiter too, much like a set of Turkish choppers so loved by reality TV stars.

Obviously don’t run trains over it, and vacuum off after taking any photos, for it gets in to everything and you certainly wouldn’t want it in your engine’s gubbins.

Dearest said that I didn’t need to return the bicarb’ to the larder after use, for the addition of static grass fibres and other scenic materials wouldn’t be great for cooking with. Dearest knows best.

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Raquel from Accounts

Racy Raquel from the accounts department loves a puffing steamy locomotive, and even more those who crew such hot throbbing machines of slimy oil, greasy metal and sweaty steam, whilst dripping hot fluids from every joint. 

Bob Geeza Cat is really taken with Raquel, and has even ordered his personal catering department to turn up with some fishy treats to tempt her. Though potted fermented herring heads in aspic understandably might not be her thing. 

Deliberation Dave, doesn’t really understand girls, for ‘Mother’ warned him about such creatures, so he concentrates on his note book, anything to avoid eye contact. Mother, it turns out doesn’t want him to leave home, even though he’s turning 63 in the new year. 

Then something very strange happened…..

 

👽

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Elimination of the Internal Combustion Engine

And here we are under the watchful misguided eye of Barry Bullhead from the Ministry of Mayhem testing out more crazy ideas to supposedly increase productivity and misery. 

They’re also testing out using animals in a move to eliminate internal combustion engines as part of making a greener planet as well as making the billionaires even richer. 

In the unlikelihood of this being successful, there are plans afoot for passengers to pull their own trains, starting with the more northerly parts of HS1.9 which is currently under construction. 

Back to the photo; Hubert the conversational Latin speaking horse is very strong indeed, and can easily pull the load (see the video below), but whilst double height container trains aren’t unknown, bridges or tunnels could be just the start of many issues.  

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Leading the way with methane powered trains

 

Today in the land of the inch high they’re trying out a new gas turbine train on a remote branch line to test out the tilting mechanism on tight curves. 

It’s to be initially rolled out in rural areas so it can make use of farmyard methane, of which there can be plenty. It will also be used on inch high London services and will be fuelled by inch high Westminster guff (which is 99% methane), with most major inch high termini having a direct pipeline to Parliament and other inch high governmental buildings. 

In due course inch high local government offices will also be linked by gas pipeline to larger provincial railway stations. 

If successful, methane powered trains could rolled out in N gauge as well as O gauge and possibly TT. S gauge is unlikely due to complete lack of demand, and Z gauge due to engineering limits. 

OO gauge inch high Little England leads the way!!! Hurrah!

Parp💨

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USA Tank

 Quite what one of Southampton Dock’s ‘USA tanks’ is doing at Polbrook Gurney Colliery I’ve no idea. But that’s one of the joys of model railways in that you can bend history, time, place  and view things through those rose tinted spectacles. Actually that’s an odd phrase, I’ll need to Google it. 

The very functional looking engine does look at home in this industrial landscape, and I gather in real life at least one ended up being owned by The National Coal Board. 

Note the old Northern United wagon, but now with British Railways numbering due to nationalisation. This wasn’t unusual in olden times with wooden wagons being scrapped and replaced with steel ones, money wasn’t wasted on repainting.

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T’ Grim North

Old wheezing 17 takes the grade on some remote line in T’ Grim North with a rake of loaded coal trucks destined for some miserable impoverished northern town or city. 

The coal won’t be burned, but is part of the ‘five a day’ in that northern diet which often consists of wholesome things like iron railings, cardboard, hessian, soot and warm stale mild ale.

Meanwhile there appears to be a banking engine on the rear. But this is not actually the case, the guard is having a barbecue on the veranda of the brake van, the hessian steaks giving off a good amount of smoke as they always do when seasoned with soot and used sump oil. 

With apologies to those in T’ Grim North. 

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Randy Andy

Click to enlarge

Working from left to right, new kid on the block Benny is rolling oak casks of moonshine about, he does this a couple of times a week as part of the ageing process. Quite why they haven’t been stolen I’ve no idea, but the note with Thames Water stamped on to the side has probably put thieves off. 

Bob Geeza Cat is inspecting his weekly delivery of Devon cream, potted pilchards, tinned herrings and desiccated fish hooves (I’ve never heard of such either) from posh pet food suppliers Fishgut & Kibble. 

Beryl, our favourite racy 95 year old hell-raising granny has arrived to help Bob take his luxury goodies back to her lovely warm country cottage. Bob has many homes, and is currently residing with Beryl because she’s the only member of the inch high with central heating and very expensive soft furnishings. Though quite why Fishgut & Kibble didn’t deliver directly to Beryl’s cottage I’ve no idea. 

And finally, Beryl has a new humble man servant who can take care of all her needs, he’s simply called ‘Andrew’ and rumour has it until recently had royal connections. She found him wandering in the woods, apparently homeless, so has taken him in on trial as her new ‘man who can’. We all know that Beryl loves a man who can, especially if younger than herself and with a slightly randy reputation, though he might have other ideas.  

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Cat and Dog Fish

Click to enlarge 

Here we are and Shrewsbury engine shed’s roaming Webb ‘Coal Tank’ is back at Fountain Colliery pushing a few ballast hoppers around, these particular ones being called ‘Dogfish’. 

There’s also another similar type known as ‘Catfish’, quite how the designers and engineers came up with the names I’m not so sure. Though in those far off times all sorts of powerful opiates were readily available over the counter from the local chemist, so that might be something to do with things. 

And finally, for the photoholics, this is an analogue capture, with the smoke also taken on film being borrowed from a full sized chuffer on The Watercress Line back in the spring. Pentax Spotmatic, 50mm/2.8 Carl Zeiss Jena Tessar. 1/4 sec at f22. Ilford Delta 100.

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Chicken Dinner for One

Lick to enlarge. Wipe screen after. 

On Saturdays the inch high regularly come out on mass to witness passing rail tours of which there are many, this Saturday being no exception. 

The SLS aka Slow Locomotive Society are running this trip for lonely single late middle aged men and socially challenged boys who can’t get a girlfriend. But girls have yet to be invented, so this is no surprise to be fair. 

Without these jaunts around the rail network many of them would never leave the house, with many living in attic rooms and cellars, often with only a Hornby track mat and a Fray Bentos tinned ‘chicken dinner for one’ for company. 

The locomotive today is an unremarkable 2-6-2 Class 2 tank engine, and even more so in that nobody could even be bothered to clean it, but at least the passenger carriages are slightly better that the usual mildew and urine smelling ones that normal for the branchline service. 

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