Thursday 16 February 2023

Milky Malcolm

It’s a lovely July morning at Ankle Bend level crossing just outside Combwich as the morning goods arrives from Highbridge. Little Eddie, part time ’Teddy Boy’ and weekend hell raiser is at the helm of one of Templecombe shed’s ex GWR pannier tank locomotives. 

Milky Malcolm patiently waits at the crossing for the gates to open. He’s performing his daily round delivering cheese, cream and of course milk to whoever requires such. He also sells moonshine in special opaque white milk bottles to disguise the clear boozy contents. The moonshine bottles have a green crimped foil top to differentiate them from the more familiar gold and silver topped milk bottles. 

Malcolm occasionally gets the milk and moonshine mixed up, for he is colour blind and unable to differentiate between green and gold. This isn’t helped if the customer isn’t paying attention, also colour blind or simply drunk. But nobody ever complains, apart from those specifically wanting the green topped bottles. He struggles with traffic lights as well, but luckily in this part of rural Somerset such devices are few and far between, and with so little traffic they’re usually ignored anyway - much like today’s righteous urban cyclists do. 

Due to one of Malcolm’s errors, a Women's Institute tea party last week was quite a riotous event by all accounts, with much jollity and cake throwing, as the normally straight-laced twin-set wearing social climbing ladies supped their laced Earl Grey tea. 

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