Booze Train

The narrow gauge tramway along the wharf hasn’t been used for many a year. But after decades of disuse, our little people are getting it running again using an old rail bus built mostly from timber, corrugated iron and the remains of an old greenhouse. It uses an engine and transmission adapted from an old petrol charabanc. 

Gaylord Grip, former pro boxer and wrestler is in charge of the project and is aware that the little tramway must be profitable, so in association with the Star Inn have set up booze trips up and down the wharf. Here we have the inaugural train being loaded up with casks of illicit hooch which will ensure all participants will have a great time, and one they probably won’t remember the following day. 

But it looks like Barry Bullhead from the Ministry of Misery and PC Philip Fuzz have had a tip off, but in our miniature rose-tinted land of nonsense they’ll soon turn a blind eye after a couple of test runs with free hospitality on the little train.

As always, click, swipe, tap, lick, wiggle or whatever you do to enlarge. Help me to keep these scenes of nonsense going when I really should be doing something more productive www.buymeacoffee.com/Nevardmedi3 or https://ko-fi.com/nevardmedia

Bogroll Fight!

Commemorating the toilet roll fights of a couple of years ago much enjoyed in Little England during the Zombie Apocalypse of Doom, Terry Tuttle-Thomas-Smythe is exploring yet another business opportunity. Bets can be placed on who manages to end the bout with the most toilet paper. We’re currently in round 3, as poxy monkeys Sharon & Tracy, champion toilet roll hoarders of 2020 do their best. 

Many of our favourite little people are here including Liz and Margo who never miss out on a good flutter. Nasal Nigel is enjoying an elevated position from the top of a beer cask, and already has ideas for a similar competition involving cling film. Maybe we won’t go there. 

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Missed a Trick

It’s that #FEF or #frontendfriday many in social media land get excited about. It’s particularly popular with diesel fanatics and soft porn fanciers for some reason - though ‘mother’ won’t be impressed with the latter. I’m sorry it’s not a Class 37 or a Deltic, but I don’t have too many diesels, so this is about as diesel loco-horny as it gets. But there are many more sites out there, especially featuring loco hungry traction maintenance depots for the disappointed who need that multi loco English Electric fix, ideally in BR banger blue of course. 

Anyway, and finally: here’s the morning goods from Evercreech Junction arriving at Combwich, which today is most unusually hauled by old ‘sad eyes’, aka a Class 22. It’s loco 13 and a Friday - specially for those glass half empty types, of which there are many, especially when the major toy train manufacturers announce their forthcoming releases for the year. 

I missed a trick here, for I should have posted this load of nonsense on Friday 13th a couple of weeks ago. Sorry. Help me to sharpen my act and keep these almost daily posts happening https://ko-fi.com/nevardmedia

 

Blocked Loo

Thursday morning on Combwich shed. Old ‘216 gently simmers between assignments whilst basking in the warm sunshine in this remote part of the Somerset Levels. On the left we see local guesthouse owner Mrs Miggins’ mauve coloured Morris Traveller - another one of those bad colour choices if resale is ever in mind. But at least it’s not metallic brown, so it could be worse.

The brave old lady is using the loo just to the left of the car, her own one being temporary unusable due to a human head being found in it. This is of course from the days before bathroom en-suites, with just one shared loo for both residents and owners. 

Her 58 year old live-at-home son Timothy Miggins works on the railway, his job is to count fishplate holes between Highbridge, Combwich and Bridgwater once a week. He’s allowed ‘mother’ on site to use the stinking loo whilst the local constabulary investigate the rancid head which is blocking the one at the guesthouse. 

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A Bit of Slap & Tickle

First time booze runners and part time pub circuit folk music duo Cyril Slap & Toby Tickle have just taken delivery of 3 casks of illicit grog produced on Steep Holm, a little known island in the middle of the Bristol Channel. They’re using Beryl’s old Austin 7 to transport the casks to a secret den somewhere on the nearby boggy levels owned by our favourite local cad and bounder Terry Tuttle-Thomas-Smythe. 

Their chariot to be honest isn’t really up to the task, for these cars are tiny, and the rear leaf springs should have been replaced years ago, and there’s certainly not any room for even one cask. Maybe the old narrow gauge wagon can be used, but it’s only a 300 foot line built to transport freshly caught breaded fish fingers and potted winkles to the kitchen of the quayside pub just out of shot to the right. 

Sadly for Slap & Tickle, it looks like they’ve failed in their first task for TTTS, so they’d best go back to entertaining the local ciderheads with their fiddle, flute and banjo. 

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Funny Handshake

It’s Tuesday at the colliery deep in the Nettlebridge valley, and Comical Ned (with the funny shaped head), Barry Bullhead from the Ministry of Misery and Arthritic Arthur are waiting for the Bath service as a coal train rumbles though. Bath being the the beautiful Somerset city, not a bath tub - though many of you here being model railway nuts might not be familiar with such inventions of course. 

Our trio, it’s thought are going on a pub crawl, Bath of course having many delightful hostelries - though to be honest their friendship appears most unlikely - but they do have a funny handshake it’s been noticed. Barry knows of a few pubs that stay ‘open’ all afternoon, a clever handshake and palm tickle being the key to such success. 

In the distance, former boxer and wrestling champion Gaylord Grip can be seen posing next to his new Landrover, I’ve no idea what that’s all about, but that crate of moonshine spiked cider in front of Doug might have something to do with it. 

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Motor Rail Service

Saturday morning at an undisclosed colliery location, British Railways are running secret trials for a forthcoming 'Motor Rail Service'. The revolutionary trains will allow keen motorists to drive to the pub, drink a skinfull, and not have to worry about driving home drunk. If successful, roll-on roll-off wagons will be introduced, however for now, cars are craned onto short wheel base wagons. The main problem I can see, is that very few pubs are served by a bespoke railway siding. But let’s just enjoy the moment for what it is.

From left to right if you zoom in, it would appear that Comical Ned (with the funny shaped head) is in charge of the crane. Waving Wayne is waving for no apparent reason, but he’s a friendly kind of chap, and always a joy to have around, for he hasn’t stopped waving since 1953 when he discovered this skill. On the engine, Deliberation Dave is wondering about the gaudy shade of blue on the Ford Popular, thinking that the colour won’t be great for resale. But thankfully it’s not metallic brown, that would be really bad news. 

Barry Bullhead from The Ministry of Misery has been hired in the make the whole experience less than impressive for the customer. In little Britain customer service should never be pleasant, for us Brits like to moan, in fact it’s good for business, especially with dowdy timeshare in Torremolinos plague mask wearing beige bungalow dwelling hybrid car drivers (in metallic brown of course). 

Beryl is standing to attention next to her bubble car in finest military style, it being reminiscent of her of her days in the Women’s Auxiliary Air Force (WAAF) during the war. Honorary guests Posh Liz and not quite so Posh Margo are here witness the event. And of course we have the appearance of local bounder and cad Terry Tuttle-Thomas-Smythe, no doubt involved in some semi-legal weeze. 

As always, click, swipe, tap, lick, wiggle or whatever you do to enlarge. 

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Abducted by Aliens

It’s that #frontendfriday thing again. Unusually a ‘USA’ tank engine is shunting the sidings at the colliery. But nobody can be seen, the reason for this  being that all our favourite miniature weirdos and fruitcakes have been abducted by aliens. But to be honest it’s quite nice to experience a bit of peace, quiet and ‘me time’ without them cluttering up and getting in the way of the camera. I’ve a feeling that Nasal Nigel will be the first to return, for it’s unlikely that even the little green men from planet Zob 13a will be able to cope with him for more than a few hours. 

 

Vintage Digital

It’s Tuesday morning at Combwich as the 8.35am from Evercreech Junction via Highbridge arrives. 3206 can be seen to the right shunting the yard. 

This early digital photograph dates from around 2003 and was taken on an HP Photosmart 945, which at the smallest aperture gave the most incredible depth of field. When the camera was released 19 years ago, it was cutting edge, with what was then a whopping 5.3 million pixels. It lasted to around 2007 before making a strange pop and expiring. It most likely now graces exported landfill somewhere in Asia after futile attempts to fix it. 

Before Colour Was Invented

It’s monochrome Monday at Hemyock, the day of the week when all colour is removed. It can be a hazardous day, because green and red lights look the same and can cause dangerous confusion on the roads and railways. This is why semaphore signals were used on the railways in the olden days, we simply had to look at the angle of such rather than colour. Busy road junctions were often policed by a chap (or a chapess) wearing big white gloves to direct traffic. But we didn’t know any different back then, unless one was really rich and could see in colour or lived in the USA where everything has always been in colour.

Hemyock was unusual, in that it had no signalling due to the ‘one engine in steam’ (or diesel if you can afford it) status of the line. This by the way, is the main reason for the location being a popular choice with railway modellers, for they don’t need to mess about with pesky signals that are a pain in the whotsit to get to work - okay, I made that bit up.

Anyway here we are at the terminus, as old ‘sad eyes’ runs around its recent arrival of milk tanks destined for the creamery in the distance. Norman and Barry look on, and are keen for Tuesday when colour is to be invented.

As always, click, swipe, tap, lick, wiggle or whatever you do to enlarge. 

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Coal Mines Have Talent

Terry Tuttle Thomas Smythe hosts the very first ‘Coal Mines Have Talent’ competition, that’s our favourite smarmy chap stood on the engine announcing the next act. And here we have the The Railway Guards’ Barbershop Sing & Dance Troupe from nearby Midsomer Norton about to perform their short set. Liz & Margo have been invited as celebrity royal judges for this inaugural event. Somehow or other Nasal Nigel has managed to get on to the ‘stage’, that’s him in the sticky green bus-spotter flasher-mac (it has special pockets with holes on the inside to allow him to adjust himself surreptitiously in public) on the right. Secretly he’s thinking of entering the competition next year with a bus-spotter flasher-mac dance troupe. The thought of that is pretty horrific to be honest, for Coal Mines Have Talent we all know is a family show. 

As always, click, swipe, tap, lick, wiggle or whatever you do to enlarge. Secure your spot in Nigel’s dance troupe next year www.buymeacoffee.com/Nevardmedi3

New Diesel

It's the first day of diesel operation on the Hemyock line, and Derek is a little less than impressed with the replacement for the trusty former GWR 0-4-2 tank engine that worked the line until yesterday. But instant starting would at least get rid of the super early shift to light the fire to build up steam.

Devon Knows

It’s a hazy light overcast morning in rose tinted rural Devon. Arthritic Arthur builds up courage to swing the water filler pipe around to Clive stood on the engine. As usual Clive is looking at his wretched notebook. He’s always looking at it, and is so absorbed he’s often blissfully unaware of the world around him. Poor old Arthur suffers with his arthritis, but he won’t let it get in the way, especially now he’s dating local award winning custard maker Nelly Nibbles who is a good 25 years younger that him. But she keeps him active stirring pots of finest custard for various competitions, with tonight being the highlight of the East Devon & District Custard & Cottage Cheese Society’s annual gala at The Half Moon. How Arthur will keep up after a full shift on the railway, Devon knows. 

Model Rail 300

Model Rail issue 300 is out today. Lots in it from me including a feature on wagon weathering using easy to source paint and simple easy techniques. The cover was particularly fun to photograph. https://www.greatmagazines.co.uk/model-rail-june-2022

Sea Ageing

Down by the canal, Colin is trying out a cunning plan to replicate ‘sea ageing’ with the latest batch of illicitly produced ‘brandy’. The main problem is that they have a whole tank wagon of the stuff to ‘age’, the aforementioned wagon lurking behind the engine masquerading as a petrochemical tank. More wooden casks will be needed, and certainly more boats, or even a ship to carry out the task. As usual all the usual suspects gather around to advise, but will no doubt soon come to the conclusion that they might as well pop a few casks on the veranda of a rough riding old brake van, the effect will be much the same. But with sulphurous sooty air creating its own unique character instead of the more traditional salty air. 

As usual, pinch, tap, swipe, click, or whatever you have to do to zoom in. And  if you like this post, you can help to buy more casks here www.buymeacoffee.com/Nevardmedi3

Birmingham Screwdriver

Monday morning deep in The Forest of Dean, and Eric & Ernie check over unreliable 13 which has appeared to make a new squeaky grinding sound in addition to the other 23 squeaky grinding sounds. Things should be okay after a few tweaks with Ernie’s new Birmingham screwdriver. He has quite a collection from bull nosed through to sledge, the latter being his choice of tool today - it also being his latest precision instrument. 

Flat Earthers will like this….

 

Another scene in the making with the naughty little people. Every time I point a camera at them they freeze. I pop out of the room and they carry on whatever they’re up to. To any Flat Earth Club members looking at this post, this is what the edge of the Earth looks like. 

Knitted Swimming Trunks

It’s Saturday morning high up on Mendip, and a few lengths of rail are about to be deposited for a track replacement session. Later, single line operation could mean a few delays, but nothing will stop the Pines Express.  Shortly this busy train will be passing through with beige clad dowdy holiday makers destined for their spring break in Bournemouth. Once there, many will be playing bingo or sitting on the beach with a bottle of warm flat brown ale and head protected with a knotted handkerchief. Mother will be keen for her late middle aged still-living-at-home boys to try out their newly knitted swimming trunks. Such wonderful times. 

Chuff Chuff

Front and rear end Friday. Hubert the conversational Latin speaking horse is photographed here trying to converse with Terry the tank engine. Terry only knows how to speak chuff chuff. Derek & Clive try the be translators, but with little success I fear. 

Mystery Train

Another scene from that strange miniature parallel universe of 1950s little England. Farmer Piles looks on at what appears to be a former Midland loco with a single ex Southern Railway coach and a couple of milk tanks arriving at Hemyock. Deep in former GWR territory, this is a most unusual sight, and one that will almost certainly play havoc with many an enthusiasts’ inner Nasal Nigel. But if we look across at the platform, we see Barry Bullhead from the Ministry of Misery, Shamus O’Flatbottom, Derek, Clive and Beryl, so something dodgy must be afoot. Upon further investigation it would appear that the train is from the creamery at Bason Bridge, with the tank wagons being destined for the creamery here Hemyock just out of shot to the right. But why this wagon exchange? Any thoughts? 

Welded Rail

Monochrome Monday. At an unknown location, possibly somewhere along the Thames Valley, a short passenger train catches the evening light in the early 1960s. Note the long welded rails. Such permanent way inspired PECO to produce their popular flexitrack. 

Gaylord Grip

Down at the engine shed, new boy Gaylord Grip joins the shed crew. He’s a staggering 6ft 13 inches and has an equally huge character, with plenty of yarns about his days working as pro boxer in the East End of that there London. Being from near the Thames, there isn’t anything he doesn’t know about pickled whelks, jellied eels and knuckle sandwiches. Nervously, Colin has his feet over a crate of moonshine spiked bottled farmhouse cider from Mrs Miggins farm. He’s doing his best to hide the contents with his tiny size 6 boots, being sure that Gaylord Grip is capable of downing the whole contents in under 30 seconds and will want to practice fisticuffs.

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