Dancing Guards & Pink Pandas

 

Friday morning outside The Miners Arms and it’s all kicking off.  

Railway dance trio, The Giggling Guards, are practicing their act for tonight’s talent competition at the pub which mostly revolves around juggling a locomotive lamp whilst blowing their whistles whilst dancing around a tray of moonshine. 

That’s not a euphemism by the way. But they sure are irritating, and are likely to win due to their only competition at time of writing being a 46 strong ukulele troupe with coordinated matching attire. 

They only know Folsom Prison Blues and Bad Moon Rising, both performed at double speed, which as everyone knows will way more irritating than our guard trio. Though we won’t be able to see them hiding behind their huge wall of giant songbooks which will outnumber the performers. Anyone here who is brave enough to play ukulele in public will be familiar with this of course. 

Meanwhile, reformed robber, now pretend policeman, PC Rob Banks is trying to work out who painted his car pink overnight, as loco driver Billy Banter shouts out something unrepeatable here. 

And finally, the dreaded cat is a likely suspect, but painting cars might be a little outside his skill set. But there again, he has his ways. Never trust a cat 🐾

~~~🐈~~~

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Spring Equinox

It’s the Spring Equinox today, which is one of 2 dates in the year when the day is as long as the night, and the night as long as the day, and occasionally sometime in between. 

Here we are a little while after 6am, and the sun is just coming over the horizon showering the inch high folk with its golden glow. And with it also being Titfield Thunderbolt Thursday, we have a little locomotive similar to that featured in the film to complete the scene. 

Waving Wally has many jobs, and today he’s boatman on a narrowboat which supplies those living on and around the canal with everything from canned heat, motorised kettles, tinned desiccated water, double handled broomsticks, left handed screwdrivers, fire proof paraffin, deep fried coal and of course everyone’s favourite - inside out chocolate bars. 

Meanwhile Milky Malcolm from the local dairy is negotiating a basket of bottled cream with Bob Geeza Cat, though communication tends to be hard work, and as they say, never work with animals and small children. But they will get there in the end I’m sure. 

~~~🐈~~~

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Meow meow meow meow meow meow

Harry Hunslet and Barry Bicycle are chatting away wondering what the burning wood smell is. Bob Geeza Cat replies back in meow speak saying that the wooden beer cask is starting to smoulder, it being so close to the firebox. 

Sadly neither Harry or Barry understand what Bob is saying. All they hear is ‘meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow’.

But luckily the cask is empty, its contents being finished off some time ago. 

📷

Nikkormat FT2, 55mm Micro Nikkor, Ilford HP5, 1/8 sec f22. Home dev.

St Paddy

 Like a repeat on TV here it comes around again….. with a few tweaks…

☘️St Patrick’s Day at the pub☘️

Unlikely friends, Tory hooray party girl Dizzy Lizzie and dowdy communist Rachel from accounts witness the arrival of casks and bottles illicit fake ‘Irish’ stout from Colin’s dodgy brewery in the corner of the lambing shed on his brother’s farm. On St Paddy’s they love a depth charge of creamy stout in their gin and tonics. 

Local bounder, cad and self elected middle man, Terry Tuttle-Thomas-Smythe negotiates the price, making sure he has a good cut for himself. Barry Bullhead, the time and motion man from the Ministry of Misery is here keeping an eye on the competition, one of his various side hustles which are mostly involved in illicit booze production. 

Feeble Colin really needs to get more business like if he wants to succeed and get rid of all these middle men, for these days in the pub and brewing trade things are already a struggle and are likely to get far worse after April fools day. 

Meanwhile Derek & Clive trundle past with a rogue wagon of malting barley, which has somehow or other has gone missing from a train destined for Burton on Trent. But that’s another story for maybe this time next year if the pub is still trading ☘️

The cat is strangely missing…..

🍻

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Hubert Horse Power

Over at Brew Street, one of these new fangled containers has arrived. And being an old fashioned kind of place they’ve not handled one of these ‘modern ribbed metal boxes’ before. 

But being resilient, they’ve found a couple of old flat wagons to place the container on, only to discover that a locomotive hasn’t been rostered, and even if they had one it would take hours to get up to working pressure. 

Putting their heads together, Arthritic Arthur with illusions of being the next Charles Atlas has a go at pulling the ‘consist’. Unsurprisingly this ends in failure, with Arthur further exacerbating his chronic age related condition. That’s him on the right, bless the silly old fool. 

Hubert the conversational Latin speaking horse has recently returned from the Cheltenham Festival Horse Races, having had a lovely time catching up with his many 4 legged equine pals, sipping ale, eating carrots and of course having the occasional flutter. 

And then, as if by magic he trots in whilst muttering something that sounds rude in Latin, wraps his tail around the wagon coupling and pulls the short train forward. A great result from such a clever horse. Meanwhile young Clive over to the left hasn’t looked up once from his notebook, damn youth of today and their wretched notebooks.

~~~🐎~~~

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Somerset Bog Brandy

From time to time, Taunton Fairwater Yard’s scruffy yellow Ruston PWM shunting loco is used instead of the more regular Class 08 on the twice weekly the trip working to Catcott. 

Sadly most of the line has been dismantled, but it survives as a goods only stump to Catcott to serve the peat excavations and now legal distillery producing Somerset Bog Brandy which is now enjoyed internationally for its mellow peaty character and high alcohol content.

To the extreme left, Polythene Pete and Nasal Nigel observe the arrival of the scruffy yellow engine, but they’re not allowed within 2 miles of the railway for 18 months by court order. 

This was due to them hanging around in overgrown railway cuttings and station toilets showing each other their TT scale Flying Scotsman and Coronation Scot model locomotives. The lewd sticky antics, often in full public view, were starting to upset passengers, public toilet fanatics, railway staff and photographers who frequently would get them in shot, but not in a good way. 

They’ve drawn the attention of former artisan ice lolly makers, now turned security guards Ben & Gerry who sold their business to a huge multinational conglomerate. The duo didn’t read the small print before signing the contract, which in the event paid them just enough for two ice lollies, and they weren’t even properly frozen. Muppets. 

And finally, Beryl, motoring brat-granny and hell raiser, can be seen standing on the platform, nobody knows her age, but she’s thought to be between 100 and 110. But even looking at photographs of her from back in the mid 1930s, she looks no different to now. Last week, she again lost her driving license for speeding, but knows how to charm the engine crew so she can cadge a cab ride to Highbridge where she has a hot date with a young man quarter of her age. Go girl!

~~~🧻~~~

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I Missed the lunar Eclipse!

Front End Friday and Waving Wally waves at Double Denim Dancing Dando looking out of the cab of the slowing engine pulling a short rake of hopper wagons. 

There’s supposedly engineering work scheduled this weekend at the colliery, but in reality nothing will happen of that ilk. But it’s a good way to smuggle potatoes and turnips in for a moonshine mash set up and ready in the corner of the colliery winding engine house. A different type of engineering work, but what happens in The Forest stays in The Forest. 

The reality, I had a 500mm mirror lens set up on my camera to record the lunar eclipse his morning, but I forgot until it was too late with the moon vanishing over the horizon. So instead pointed it at the Lilliputian scene here - hence the rather extreme telephoto effect. I actually quite like it for a change.

Old King Coal

The inch high wake up to find a lump of coal in the colliery sidings. Okay, coal and collieries tend to go together, but it’s a mystery as to how they got it up the mineshaft.

I found this lump of coal many years ago on the old Somerset & Dorset line near Shillingstone way before the preservationist starting doing their excellent restoration work. So I can pretty safely say that it probably fell off an engine when the line was still open. It’s not quite as big as it was, for occasionally bits get chipped away for putting in the coal bunkers of my miniature engines. Nothing replicates coal better than coal - whatever the scale. 

True story: for odd things do happen, I found a tiny lump of coal in my mother’s garden the other week whilst visiting. She doesn’t have a coal fire, and with the garden being rather small, I’d have almost certainly spotted it before whilst doing Bertie hound ‘poo patrol’. So my only thought is that maybe some steam powered aeroplane or bird dropped it, or a coal fired moonshine still exploded nearby.

 

High Speed 2.5

 WTF Wednesday 

Trials are underway for the new (old by the time it opens) High Speed 2.5 aka HS2.5 rail route which will serve parts of The Grim North (previously known as The Northern Powerhouse). 

As a cost cutting measure, an old APT borrowed from a museum is going to be used, but lack of operational power cars and overhead electrification means that other options are being explored using an ancient Sentinel steam lorry. 

Resplendent in Lichfield, Macclesfield & Stockport Railway livery, the first test train arrives at a secret location in The Forest, having covered 4 miles in a breathtaking 4 hours, making it faster that the Knutsford section of the M6 on a Friday afternoon. Result. 

The steam lorry can run on ‘any old shif’ that burns and doesn’t need rails to guide it. And due to the success of the lorry, the steel wheels of the APT carriages are going to be replaced with rubber tyres which will allow the train to use the existed road network. This will save billions which can then be invested in nonsense and other hare-brained projects to make life more complicated, expensive and miserable for us the proletariat. 

And finally, apologies to any northerners who say that The Grim North is further north, to us southerners (me) it is anything north of Watford Gap Services on the M1. 

~~~🚽~~~

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The 11th of March 2005

34027 ‘Taw Valley’ masquerading as 34045 Ottery St. Mary hauls a circular ‘Venice-Simplon Orient Express’ dining special day trip from London away from Virginia Water. 11 March 2005. Nikon D70, Nikkor 28-70 f2.8 AFS

20 years ago to the day I was standing on a railway bridge near Virginia Water just southwest of London with a big camera looking like Jimmy No Mates. 

Dog walkers and other passers by were crossing on the far side of the bridge doing their best to avoid eye contact. Nothing has changed much in that respect, but I very rarely photograph the full sized railway these days, for so many locations suffer excessive tree growth making photography impossible and at best tricky. 

Being digital capture, the photos certainly don’t look like they were taken 20 years ago. I’m surprised they’ve lasted this long, for digits have a habit of going missing. But constantly baby-sitting them with replacement drives along with multiple cloud storage ensures longevity, but there will be a time when this ceases to happen.

66237 nears Virginia Water with the 6M44 Eastleigh to Wembley which was a mix of clay slurry tanks and departmental vehicles. 11 March 2005. Nikon D70, Nikkor 28-70 f2.8 AFS

450079 nears Virginia Water with the 1334 Weybridge to Waterloo service. These units were very new at the time and are still going strong to this day. 11 March 2005 Nikon D70, Nikkor 28-70 f2.8 AFS

Cheltenham Festival

Monday morning and Hubert the conversational Latin speaking horse, Herbert the conversational Mayan speaking horse, and Hartley the only horse that can chat in conversational Vectis, the native language of the Isle of Wight are starting their long journey to the Cheltenham Festival horse races. 

They do this every year so they can catch up with their old mates who are mostly retired shunting horses. 

The journey is rather convoluted, because whilst this rickety old train is fine on the private dockyard railway here at Brew Street, it’s definitely not allowed anywhere near the national rail network. So most of the journey happens after dark, helped with a little bribery to charm the various signalman on route. This takes months to organise, for not all of them are willing, but the promise of some moonshine usually wins them over. 

Tonight they’ll be stopping over at The Nag’s Head in Horsington not far from  Templecombe, always a popular stopover and a good start to the jollity of the next few days. 

And finally, it’s good to see officers Mouldy & Scullery helping to coordinate things rather than their usual fruitless determination to halt illicit booze production. Though Mouldy will be ticked off for not wearing his police jacket when in duty. 

~~~🏇~~~

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“I Need to get back to Mother”

The pub will be opening in 93 seconds. But first the little people enjoy watching the diverted 10.32 Bournemouth to Bath thunder through between the colliery and the pub before making a dash to the bar. 

The trick is not to be first, or you might end up having to buy a round. Stingy late middle-aged single model railway club members who have still to fly the nest will know this clever ploy. 

They’ll also know the the trick of “I need to get back to mother and give her lunch, she’s stuck in the cellar and has difficulty climbing the staircase” conveniently just before it’s their round. BTW, they often have bigger locomotive collections than other club members.

Five a Day

Back in olden times with all the hype of the Titfield Thunderbolt film about country bumpkins saving their local railway, it would appear that the inch high have got in on the act and created a small train very similar to that in the film.

Unlike in the film, the brake van contains a micro brewery and distillery with pipes running straight through to the passenger carriage. Most civilised, though the beer will almost certainly be warm and rather cloudy, it coming straight from the fermentation vessel. But in olden times we didn’t worry about such minor details, especially if imbibing from an earthenware or pewter jug, and anyway, brewing yeast is one of the ‘five a day’ quoting that modern day supermarket sales invention created to boost sales. 

Equine fanciers will have spotted that Hubert the conversational Latin speaking horse is back, it would appear that I got it wrong with my post a few days ago suggesting that he, Herbert and Hartley were heading for the pet food factory. They were in fact off to the races, something they do from time to time when they fancy a little flutter on their more athletic cousins. 

Hubert loves a beer, but he might struggle to get into the colourful carriage, though he’ll almost certainly be very welcome on the veranda of the brakevan once the little train moves forward allowing him to board. In the land of the inch high, a horse on the veranda of a brake van creates far less suspicion than a uniform clad railway guard should officers Mouldy & Scullery by snooping about. 

~~~🏇~~~

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59 Years Ago

59 years ago to the day on Sunday the 6th March 1966, the former Somerset & Dorset Railway network, apart from a couple of sections which lasted a few years longer for goods traffic closed for good. 

For several months prior to closure, many enthusiasts’ rail tours traversed the line, and here we are at Catcott on a blustery Saturday the 25th of September 1965 with the SLS aka ‘Slow Locomotive Society’ 'Slow & Dirty' rail tour during a photo stop. 

Many of our regulars travelled on the train, mostly due to the restaurant car which had been turned in to a moonshine, beer and cider pub for the trip and have reluctantly alighted to watch a staged ‘photography run past’. The ‘restaurant car’ is out of shot further down the train should any nasal types say “I can’t see the restaurant car” in their adenoidal tones.

However on the third run past, the almost empty train kept on going and the crew didn’t realise until they got Glastonbury, having been alerted by the restaurant car crew that booze sales had dropped by 90% that they’d left all the passengers at Catcott. 

~~~🐾~~~

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One Way Trip

Once a year usually around this time, the old engine from the museum is fired up and taken on a spin of the dockland lines.

Today’s lucky passengers are Hubert the conversational Latin speaking horse, Herbert the conversational Mayan speaking horse, and Hartley the only horse that can chat in conversational Vectis, the native Isle of Wight language that vanished midway through the last ice age. 

Barry Bullhead is a thoughtful man, and has arranged for each lucky horse to have a small wagon, just the right size in fact. This is to prepare them for the canning process at the local pet food factory. Bob Geeza Cat and Rufus Hound look on in awe, much like posh types eye up lobsters awaiting their untimely demise in a seafood restaurant. 

~~~~~🐾~~~~~

Designated Driver

Back in olden times, most pubs near a railway line would have their own siding. This was so that beer could be dropped off and empty casks returned. Engine crews between turns would frequently use such sidings when a refreshment was required, or they needed a ‘number two’ loo break. 

Here we have such an occurrence with an engine parked conveniently right next to the public bar of ‘The Kettle Inn’, with the crew discussing (usually decided by spinning a coin) who would be the designated driver. In olden times, the ‘designated driver’ would generally stick to beer and cider under 6%. But back in the day, booze strength wasn’t declared in any great detail, it not being a legal requirement like in modern times. 

I’ve had a couple of comments from more serious types as to the validity of some of my tales, well I can confirm that I heard this particular one from a retired driver during a particularly heavy session down the Wheeltappers & Shunters Club in Harlow New Town a few years ago.

~~~🐾~~~

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The 10%

Only around 10% of posts are seen by followers here unless you’re a regular. It’s an alcoholrhythm thing I gather and way beyond my understanding (okay, I could Google such, but cannot be ar&ed). So, here’s a post from this day 3 years ago which most won’t have seen first time around….. and cue..

It’s lunchtime outside The Miners Arms. The posh girls Liz & Margo meet up for a spin in Beryl’s new toy, it might be a tight squeeze. Liz, Margo and Beryl met at finishing school in Switzerland many moons ago and have kept in touch ever since, mostly due to their liking of gin and proper working men.

Comical Ned (with the funny shaped head) is hoping to be invited, he’s had ‘a thing’ for Beryl for years. He’s a rather big chap, so there’s no way he’ll be able to join ’the girls’ on their jolly - it looks like another lonely pint when the pub opens in 5 minutes. All together, 1, 2, 3…….

On the left, local bounder and cad, Terry Tuttle-Thomas-Smythe eyes up the scene. He recently bought Beryl’s ancient Austin 7, not because he wanted it (he’s more of an Austin Healey 3000 kind of chap), it was simply a ploy to try to get in to Beryl’s pantaloons “Oh, hello ladies”. 

In the distance Nasal Nigel looks on from one of his favourite elevated spots. His bus-spotting green flasher-mac is primed and ready for speedy deployment after placing petroleum jelly on the button holes. 

And finally, keen railway modellers Edwin and Colin watch the engine pass through whilst they discuss the intricacies of rail flangeway clearances in EM gauge.

Slippery Rails

Bill and Ben watch Harry Hunslet propel a short rake of empties up the 1 in 20 grade into the colliery. A good run up generally ensures success, though too much speed can result in the occasional derailment.  

On cold wet days when the track is extra slippery, an additional engine is occasionally used, a popular sight much enjoyed by the drinkers in The Pedant & Armchair pub to the right. There is always much squealing on such days from the regulars as they nurse their warm half pints of flat shandy sustained with jam and pickled onion sandwiches made by ‘mother’. 

Note the former private owner ‘Denaby’ coal wagon but with a British Railways numbering, this was not an uncommon sight in the olden days when money wouldn’t be wasted repainting wagons soon to be scrapped. 

Meanwhile the omnipresent Bob Geeza Cat is keeping an eye on things, I wonder what he has planned?

And finally, this photo was going to be posted yesterday on Monochrome Monday, but I didn’t process the film in time which is Ilford HP5 through a 55mm Micro Nikkor on my Nikkormat which dates from the steam era. 

~~~🐾~~~

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Dog Whisperer 🐾

I was the temporary custodian of the latest Bachmann Johnson 1P 0-4-4 last week. So once I’d done all my official photography for a well-known retailer, I couldn’t resist popping it on Catcott for a snap where it looks most at home even it its shiny ex works factory finish. 

On the real line to Highbridge these locos were regular performers through to the mid/late 1950s. Sadly none were preserved, for they’d be ideal for a heritage railway, but in the 1950s preservation had yet to take off in a big way. 

Next to the gates, that’s Dougie the dog whisperer deep in conversation with Rufus Hound by the way. They’re midway through a conversation about chewing raw bones, sniffing bumholes, chasing cats and rabbits.

Yellow Peril

In full sized England today it’s rather dull, though it has been like this for months now. So here’s a bit of colour in the land of the inch high to cheer us up. 

A couple of days ago, Taunton Fairwater Yard’s freshly painted Ruston PWM ‘Yellow Peril’ and a couple of wagons went missing and have strangely appeared here at Brew Street this morning. 

Former ice cream makers Ben & Gerry, now turned security bods after selling their ‘artisan’ business to a soap manufacturer, appear to have apprehended the short colourful train. 

The ballast wagon is carrying potatoes for a moonshine mash and the brakevan-cum-ballast-plough-thingamajig at the rear has a bubbling still inside, making it a nice warm boozy place to be on these dull cold featureless never-ending grey days. 

However a favourable deal will soon be struck in exchange for a blind eye to the nefarious mobile moonshine activities in the form of a crate of bottled hooch. For Rufus Hound is excellent at playing the room (or wharf in this case) with his sultry ‘love me’ doggy eyes. Such a clever dog 🐾

Mobile Refreshment

Back in olden times most engines would carry a cask of beer, this was so crews and railway workers could have regular rehydration whilst going about their hot sweaty work. 

Harry Hunslet brings his engine to a halt as Malcolm standing next to the water tower patiently waits so he can have a glug of thirst quenching ale from the wooden cask on the engine which is quite likely laced with moonshine for that extra energising kick. 

But sadly during the Beeching Report designed to make the railways less of a burden on the tax payer and more productive, this popular practice ended. Though unofficially it carried on at railway backwaters, but no longer funded by the railway.

20 Years Ago!

Some full sized stuff from 20 years ago to the day on 18 Feb 2005. Twenty years ago - crickey! Being digital capture, they look like they were taken yesterday, it certainly feels like that. 

A few snaps from the footbridge at Worting Junction near Basingstoke where the Exeter line forks away from the line to Southampton and beyond. This was the last few months of the old ‘slam door’ third rail electrics, so having been ignored for most of their lives we started to point our cameras at them in anticipation of their demise. 

It’s still possible to take photos from this bridge, though I must admit I’ve not been there for over a decade. I recall that 9 times out of ten there’d be another ‘spotter with camera. I’m not sure about these nervous days though, where everyone is so neurotic about seeing a stranger with a camera and long lens, especially the younger generation. 

See each pic for caption. Oh yes, and the can tech ‘cuz I know there are a few camera geeks here like me. Nikon D70, Nikkor 80/200 AFD f2.8 zoom.

66570 on 4O54 Leeds to Southampton Freightliner. 18 Feb 2005 Worting Junction.

2133 heading south. Sorry I don’t know the working. Someone here will I’m sure. 18 Feb 2005 Worting Junction

66018 on the daily 7Y39 Hoo Junction to Eastleigh departmental working. I believe this is still a regular working. 18 Feb 2005 Worting Junction. The field to the right is a huge housing estate now.

VEP 3516 London Waterloo bound in SWT Stagecoach livery. 18 Feb 2005 Worting Junction

66096 on the daily 6M44 Eastleigh to Wembley with what appear to be clay slurry tanks possibly from Quidhampton. 18 Feb 2005 Worting Junction

3810 London bound still in BR Network Southeast livery. 18 Feb 2005 Worting Junction

Fruitful Thursday

Just another fruitful Thursday in the land of the inch high. Officers Mouldy and Scullery looking on from afar are not to be feared. Getting from over there to here would be quite a challenge starting with a 25’ drop, a busy railway line, brambles, a stinking pond, a glutinous muddy bank, then a scary cat and dog. 

And if that’s not enough, Nasal Nigel is likely to be hiding under the poisonous apple tree fiddling with his TT gauge Flying Scotsman, not a pretty sight and something you never be able to unsee.

Perfect Spot

 Here we are high up in the Mendip Hills at a little known former colliery. 

The inch high moonshine collective led by various people all striving for their own gain much like politicians, appear to have Barry Bullhead from The Ministry of Madness in charge today. Though regulars will know that the red car is owned by local cad, bounder, ladies’ man and loveable con-artist Terry Tuttle-Thomas-Smythe who also appears to be in charge when Barry isn’t. Though never on Sundays for some reason. 

But since the alien abduction of a week or two ago, things are a tad confusing. For could TTTS be in fact residing in Barry Bullhead’s body? And over to the right, we have Waving Willy clutching the tender/cab handrail with his waving hand, this is indeed most odd for Willy has been waving 24/7 since the age of 18 months, maybe earlier. We’ll just blame the little green men. 

Much like in our full sized world we can be sure of nothing in the land of the inch high, but this disused boiler pump house used to pump surplus water from the deep network of tunnels below is a perfect spot for a new moonshine production facility. 

With a little fiddling, the pump house will soon be working again producing enough steam to heat several moonshine stills at the same time. There is of course also water, though is is bright orange due to the high iron content, but this can be a dubious marketing opportunity much exploited by other beverage producers pushing various unfounded claims. 

And finally, it is rail-connected with the rest of the network, the ‘borrowed’ S&DJR 7F 2-8-0 being used to check the old line which strangely enough has never been disconnected. But where is the cat?