Fireless Crane Locomotive

National Treasure Uncle Bob, continues to do research for his forthcoming railway orientated television series aimed at schoolboys with no friends and equally lonely late Middle Aged men who still live at home with ‘mother’ who is propped up in an old rocking chair in the corner covered in cobwebs. 

Under the watchful eye of Bob Geeza Cat, our much loved Uncle Bob is fascinated by the fireless locomotive which appears to have a built-in crane. He thinks that it is truly a wonderful idea, but worries that it could be compromised by tunnels and bridges. 

Meanwhile, Bob Geeza Cat simply thinks that Uncle Bob should go back to calling himself Robert or disappear on to one of the other Inch High cameos. For there’s only room for one Bob. 

And finally Archibald, part time cinema usher and garden gnome fancier has randomly appeared out of the blue with cartons of moonshine laced fruit based drinks and popcorn. Still, nobody will complain I’m sure 😎

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Monochrome Monday on a Monday

Monochrome Monday on a Monday ‘cos it isn’t always on a Monday 

National treasure Uncle Bob standing next to a race of mine tubs, watches Harry and his Hunslet locomotive generate a good blast of clag whilst pottering around the sidings at Whimsy Pit. 

There’s also a wharf here which is popular with smugglers and other illicit traders, but it’s extremely difficult to find, not helped by the fact that it’s not even on any maps. Rumour has it that keen cartographers who didn’t read the memo are regularly bribed with ‘Mendip Dew’ to omit it. 

The blast of deep black clag, isn’t by accident, it’s so coastal freighters, many on their way from the Bristol Channel Islands of Steep Holm and Flat Holm (formerly known as High Holm before the huge moonshine explosion of 1883) can locate the tiny harbour. 

In contrast, the steam freighter just visible isn’t emitting any visible exhaust at all, that’s because the steam boilers are heated with moonshine, of which there is plenty in the Land of the Inch High. 

Meanwhile Bob Geeza Cat is trying to help Miserable Mervin find his glasses and shunting pole. For Bob is such a clever cat. 

And finally, this ‘mono’ photograph was taken on real 35mm black and white film (Ilford Delta 100) taken with my steam era Pentax Spotmatic and a 50/2.8 Carl Zeiss Jena Tessar. 1/2 sec, f22. 

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Andrew’s New Yellow Beanie

A few of you missed Bob Geeza Cat in yesterday’s post, so here he is chatting to Andrew and his Barclay locomotive at Polbrook Gurney Colliery. 

Bob being quite a vocal cat in his wise old age, is commenting on Andrew’s bright yellow home-knitted woolly hat saying how it contrasts nicely with the red locomotive nameplate and dark blue paint trying to break through the sticky sooty oily grime. He’s also asking him if he has any tinned pilchards on him like he did last weekend. 

But all Andrew can hear is “meow, meow, meow, meeeooowww, meow, mee-ooowww, meow, purrrrrr, meow, purrrrhhhhhhh, meow, me-ow, meow, meow, meow, mmeeeooowww, mmmmeeeeeoooooooowwwwwwww!”

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The Gulf of Glastonbury

It’s foggy down on the levels this morning as the 8.43am Highbridge to Evercreech Junction service slows for Catcott. 

Throughout the year, mist or fog and sometimes a combination of the two is quite commonplace, The Levels being reclaimed land on what used to be known as The Gulf of Glastonbury until the great silica gel explosion of 1567. Okay I might have made that bit up, I’m just checking that you’re still paying attention, though many only read the first sentence before giving up on my daily diatribe. 

As is often the case, there’s nobody waiting for the train, for any who might be travelling are quite likely still partying after an overnight lock-in at one of the illicit cider houses nearby. Though Nasal Nigel is probably out of sight in the rather austere concrete shelter playing with his TT gauge Flying Scotland he keeps in his special pocket. I’m not going to check though, for it’s never a pretty sight. But at least his mother loves him. 

Streetlight fanciers (yes, they are a thing) will be keen to point out that the concrete electric lamp standard doesn’t have a lantern attached to it, that’s because connection to the National Grid has yet to happen (and probably never will). But at least the railway is trying to modernise, and in the meantime it’s a good place to hang poached pheasants and such to mature out of reach from praying vermin and the light fingered. 

And finally, Bob Geeza Cat is away, hiding most likely on one of my other layouts, for he’s such a clever cat 🐾

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Gunpowder!

Here we are back at Fountain Colliery not far from The Miners Arms, and we have a delivery of gunpowder dropped off by our regular little fireless engine. 

The gunpowder isn’t for use at the colliery, but is in fact a vital ingredient in a strong stout ale brewed in what was the skittle alley of The Miners Arms. 

The 13% ABV stout, which is only available served as a half pint, but in a pint pot, is topped up to the rim with an equal amount of “Forest Dew’, a moonshine exclusive to The Forest of Dean. 

An evening out on this explosive ‘shandy’, not dissimilar that phrase from a well-known multinational lager producer ‘really can refresh parts other beers cannot reach’, but not necessarily in the way you’d expect. 

And finally, I’m sure you’ve spotted national treasure Uncle Bob who is doing further research for his forthcoming minority interest railway themed television series aimed at schoolboys with no friends and late middle-aged men who still live at home with ‘mother’. 

What happens in the forest, stays in The Forest. 

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Waving Wally, Waving Wayne, Waving Willy & Waving Wodger

Here we are again at Whimsy Pit, as Andrew and his Barclay locomotive potter about pushing wagons here and there, and occasionally there and here, and sometimes nowhere at all. 

Waving Wally waves at the engine, though Wally is always waving, he even does so in his sleep and has been doing so since before he was born. His brothers Waving Wayne, Waving Willy and Waving Wodger all have the same genetic affliction. 

Mavis, their poor mother not only having to put up with 4 uncomfortable pregnancies, also had to, and still does have to cope with messy mealtimes as food and beverages fly across the room. Big family gatherings at Easter and Christmas can be particularly hazardous with now 4 grown men waving their arms - with soup and stews being particularly problematic. 

Meanwhile, Bob Geeza Cat simply waves his tail gently as he does his best to get in the way of shunting activities, for he’s such a naughty cat 🐾

And finally, for the photo geeks, this image was taken on a steam era Pentax Spotmatic using Ilford Delta 100 B&W film. The back smoke was borrowed from a photo of taken at a spring steam gala last year, it also being taken on film. 

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Crispin…. Really?

We’ve not seen the wasp striped fireless locomotive for a while, for it tends to hang around here at Brew Street which has suitable facilities to charge the high pressure locomotive reservoir so it can keep on ‘steaming’.&nb

Rumour has it that I runs off heated moonshine, which as we know is generally more plentiful than water in the land of the inch high. Another bonus being that limescale is also less of an issue.  

But I’m no authority on how railways and and locomotives work, being more of a railway romantic, so best not ask me about ‘gubbins’ and ‘thingamajigs’ or anything remotely technical. And never anything to do with DCC or slow action point motors. Ever. But I’m okay with paint, static grass and DAS modelling clay. 

However there will some here lurking next to mother’s computer while she sleeps who will be able to answer such technical requests with good authority. For you, I tip my virtual hat. Cheers, but please clear your cache and close down any dodgy websites you might have also looked at, for you know that such makes mother angry. 

Meanwhile the latest batch of oak aged ‘shine is being prepared for inspection and hopefully sale at a good profit. Today’s customer being Barry Bullhead and some pointless bureaucrat called Crispin from the Ministry of Mayhem. Who names their child Crispin? Really…. 

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Breaking News! Price of Coal Triples!

Monday shenanigans at the colliery weighbridge, and all passing trains have to pay a toll to pass through, for there is no other route out of the colliery. If not, Gary the Greaser will paint the locomotive crew and wheel treads with slippery grease, not something that’s ideal on the steeply graded colliery railway, and not pleasant for the locomotive crew on a hot sweaty footplate. 

Meanwhile, unconnected to the devious toll antics, Bob Geeza Cat is trying to shift jars of moonshine made from fermented milk. Sadly this particular rancid batch isn’t selling well, despite its high alcohol rating, so Bob is doing everything he can to try to shift it, even at the risk of making a loss. 

And finally, potential shortage of coal has caused the price to triple, and in some areas it’s even run out. The abandoned steam roller on the bridge being one of the first victims. 

You couldn’t made it up. 

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6 Hour Cross-legged Buttock Clenching Ordeal

Railway enthusiasts love a brakevan special. The lure of a long journey of discomfort without soft furnishings, a restaurant car and possibly more importantly lack of a toilet, attracts those young and old, and occasionally those in between who were victims of a stag night prank that went wrong. 

Organised by the SLS (Slow Locomotive Society), this short train of just 4 brakevans hauled by an Ivatt Class 2 tank engine has provided the power all the way from North Somerset to Fountain Colliery here in deep in The Forest of Dean. 

You might wonder why there are so few merry souls here, that’s because half of them are out of shot in the bushes relieving themselves after their 6 hour cross-legged buttock clenching ordeal regretting those pints they had before boarding the train. 

What happens in The Forest, stays in The Forest. 

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Day Trip to Frome

Saturday morning at Polbrook Gurney Colliery Halt and the 9.03am Chilcompton to Frome service slows to collect passengers. Today’s train consisting of a single former Midland Railway wooden panelled coach that smells of fungus, urine, stale beer and pipe smoke. And on the nose we have one of Highbridge Shed’s Johnson 1P 0-4-4 tanks which was modified during WW2 so it could also produce moonshine whilst performing railway duties. 

Working from left to right, Bob Geeza Cat has received some samples of the latest ‘shine, this batch starting life as milk, which is then fermented and distilled to produce 180% proof liquor. It’s rather an acquired taste, but will no doubt be popular with Horlicks and Ovaltine fanatics who want a depth charge of something a little less soporific and more invigorating. 

Next we have Smelly Suitcase Sandy, he likes to dress as a bellboy, even though he isn’t one. His tiny suitcase is thought to contains spam sandwiches, Tizer and a dried head which is believed to be that of his sister’s. His sister disappeared around 5 years ago and hasn’t been seen since. Sandy is a good friend of Nasal Nigel should anyone ask. 

Then we have Rufus Hound, who has today adopted national treasure Uncle Bob as his custodian. Bob is researching for his forthcoming minority interest railway themed television series aimed at schoolboys with no friends and boring late middle-aged musty tweed-clad old duffers who still live with ‘mother’. 

And finally we have tiny Fifi, who is quite unusual in that her head can rotate a full 360 degrees at 78 rpm if she’s had too much sugar or is listening to that new fangled ‘skiffle’ music. Our favourite hell’s granny Beryl has bought Fifi along to teach her a few tricks like pick-pocketing and sneaking in to bars and pubs undetected by the landlord. 

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