Essential Public Works

Outside The Miners Arms they’re digging up the street again for ‘essential public works’. 

Last week they were installing piping for moonshine on tap, the month before cable radio so people could listen to the BBC Light Programme in areas with poor signal. 

Then they dug it all up again in to install cable TV, though that new fangled television has to to get to this forgotten part of The Forest of Dean, and likely never will. And anyway, nobody has a television around these parts. 

And finally this week they’re just finishing after digging everything up again to try to find Barry Bullhead’s expensive watch he got and lost as a backhander for some dodgy job he got a big fat brown envelope for. 

They didn’t find the watch btw. Some cat called Bob snagged it apparently. Such a clever cat 🐾 

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The barriers are painted cocktail sticks should anyone give a miniature fu…

The Heatwave Finally Breaks

Here we are again at Catcott, reputedly named after Bob Geeza Cat, though that might be wishful thinking on behalf of Bob, because he does have narcissistic tendencies - like most cats. 

The hot weather has finally broken with a sudden gust as the heavens open with a deluge of water from above, and sideways. 

The other Bob, Uncle Bob surrounded by non-identical twins Fifi & Fiona certainly aren’t prepared for the downpour as the train slows to take them on their way to Glastonbury to climb The Tor and sniff crystals. 

No ayeee eye was used in the creation of this photo, just a little Photoshop glitter which is so very last year and far more time consuming. 

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Triang Hornby Hymek

Yesterday’s post featured a Hymek diesel hydraulic loco. It’s a pretty ancient Triang Hornby model I picked up on eBay a good 25 or so years ago way before the far newer incarnation from Heljan. But at the time it was all that was available, with this one probably dating from the 1970s or even before. 

Originally in moulded blue plastic, amongst other detail upgrades I replaced the moulded hand rails and re-glazed it with ‘Gem Flush Glaze’, which were vacuum formed clear plastic more akin to packaging. I’ve yet to add windscreen wipers quarter of a century on, maybe one day. 

I replaced the knurled pizza cutter wheels with what I recall might have been Ultrascale, they taking months to arrive followed by the lowering of the body by several millimetres. Then of course a full repaint and weather. 

It’s runs really nicely on the original 3 pole motor, and has a wonderful reassuring growl with a hint of ozone. 

From around a yard or so it looks okay, but definitely wouldn’t be able to hold its own posed next to a modern Heljan offering. But it’s definitely a keeper. 

Demolition Train on The Branch

Not many photos exist of Catcott after the line closed on 6 March 1966 with the rest of the former S&DJR apart from a couple of stubs. But here we are at the end of June 1967 as a demolition train waits patiently at the crossing for the gates to be opened. 

Sadly, there’s no longer a crossing keeper employed to perform that little luxury. Instead, Waving Wally has taken charge. Progress may be slow, though, for as many will know he’s been waving continuously since birth and doesn’t appear to have mastered any other movement.

National treasure Uncle Bob is on the bridge with his trusty Land Rover, glancing down in to the viewfinder of his Rolleiflex quietly watching it all unfold whilst muttering that if he ever bumps into Dr Beeching, there’ll be ‘strong words’… or at least some very stern tutting.

And finally, Bob Geeza Cat has returned now the worst of the hot weather has passed. Even he knows tweed and a heatwave are a thoroughly irresponsible combination.

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🚢 The Freighter That Shouldn’t Be There

Polbrook Gurney Colliery skulks deep within an uncharted corner of the North Somerset Coalfield, in a mysterious region known locally as Titfield Thunderbolt Country—a place so elusive even the pigeons refuse to deliver mail there.

You won’t find it on any map, railway atlas, or even scribbled on the back of a suspiciously sticky beer mat. However, it did make a cameo in an Ealing Comedy film during the early 1950s, which is clearly irrefutable proof of its existence—far more reliable than anything produced by cartographers or sober witnesses.

Quite how a coastal steam freighter managed to chug its way up the Somerset Coal Canal remains a topic of heated debate among local historians, retired boatmen, and several gentlemen who insist they saw the whole thing while heroically guarding their pints in the snug of the Kettle Inn. 

Nevertheless, the photographic evidence before you suggests that, against all logic and possibly several laws of physics, it somehow did.

The eagle-eyed will spot the triumphant return of Bob Geeza Cat and his associate Rufus Hound, both apparently engaged in highly important supervisory duties, which mostly involve looking busy, occasionally pointing at things and of course adding compositional interest 🐾

You may also notice the discreet moonshine still tucked lurking on the deck, quietly bubbling away like a guilty secret. This is where experimental boozy concoctions are bravely tested—often by volunteers who may or may not remember volunteering—before, if deemed sufficiently drinkable (or at least survivable), being scaled up for full production at the vast and entirely legitimate (allegedly)  distillery on the island of Flat Holm, marooned in the middle of the Bristol Channel like a slightly tipsy fortress.

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Thirty Years Late for Work.

Here we are at Brew Street, sometime in the late 1980s.

What few people realise is that Deliberation Dave is a time traveller. Sadly, he has absolutely no control over when it happens, where he ends up, or indeed whether it’s remotely convenient.

When he staggered home from the Kettle Inn last night after the weekly Ladies’ Wasp Chewing Evening, it was definitely 1958.

However morning he woke up thirty-odd years in the future to find himself being interrogated by four hi-viz-clad jobsworths demanding to know why his uniform is three decades out of date and why he isn’t wearing any hi-viz. 

Dave, naturally, has no idea what hi-viz even is.

Meanwhile, over on the right, Rufus Hound Junior the 5th is standing in for Bob Geeza Cat, who is currently stranded somewhere in the 1950s and expected back just as soon as he works out which decade he’s in. Yes, the Land of the Inch High breaks many of the laws of time and physics. 

Finally, eagle-eyed observers may notice the rather impressive moonshine storage tank. “Impressive” perhaps being a polite way of saying “spectacularly over-engineered”. It appears capable of storing enough moonshine to survive several apocalypses and at least one visit from the taxman.

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Twist Left or Right?

Saturday morning by one of the many water towers in the Land of the Inch High.

Trouble is brewing. Rumours of a mouse infestation have reached Andrew, and he’s is absolutely terrified of mice. So terrified, in fact, that he refuses to climb down from the engine and operate the giant tap.

This presents a problem because turning the tap left dispenses moonshine, while turning it right produces water.

With Andrew frozen in fear, Barclay volunteers to do the job instead. Unfortunately, Barclay suffers from a chronic inability to tell left from right, making him perhaps the worst possible substitute.

Normally this would be the moment for Bob Geeza Cat to stride in, solve the crisis, and demand payment in sardines. But, as regular readers will know, Bob is currently tied up with his many appearances across the countless layouts and adventures of the Land of the Inch High.

As a result, nobody is entirely sure whether today’s locomotive will be running on water, moonshine, or a bold new mixture of both. The crew remain optimistic. The insurance company less so.

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Tanked Up Thursday

Fireless locomotives run on highly compressed superheated air and need topping up from time to time from a suitable reservoir.

Here we see such an operation in progress, the crew confidently connecting their engine to what they believe is the overhead compressed-air tank at the local distillery.

Unfortunately, neither of them actually read the memo.

Instead, they’ve coupled up to the distillery’s moonshine storage tank.

The mistake only became apparent when the locomotive immediately developed an extra 200 horsepower, a cheerful whistle in three different keys, and an overwhelming desire to overtake express trains.

Driver Bert reports that the regulator now has only two positions: “steady” and “good grief.”

Meanwhile, several sheep in a nearby field claim to have witnessed the engine briefly achieve flight.

Railway management insists everything is under control, although the locomotive was last seen disappearing towards Highbridge at alarming speed whilst whistling sea shanties

It could be a very interesting day indeed. 🍻🚂

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