Call the Doctor

Monochrome Monday, and Deliberation Dave opens the engine shed door and out rolls a USA tank in full steam rather than the more regular Peckett or Andrew and his Barclay. 

Pub landlord and part time doctor Shamus O’Shandy arrives to see if he can help, for Dave struggles with change however small it might be. A tot of moonshine should sort things out, but he won’t be able to do anything worthwhile for the rest of his day. However, begrudgingly Miserable Mel who is on standby shift has been called in at the last moment, so there will be no round golf today for him by the look of things. 

And finally, Bob Geeza Cat looks on and thinks to himself that the engine shed would make a great Airfix plastic kit. 

Tech. Nikkormat FT2, 35mm Nikkor. Fomapan 100. 

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A Burst of Colour

It’s a bit dull and gloomy outside in 12 inch to the foot Little England today. So here’s a bit of colour and the warm glow of morning sunlight as it cuts through the gloom at Fountain Colliery. 

A class 25 arrives with a short rake of ballast hopper wagons from one of the many local quarries. The colliery sidings providing a suitable run around before the train heads down to Lydney and beyond.

Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve down at the canal wharf. And of course it’s snowing, for that’s been the law, especially in Christmas films and photos since 1883, even though it hardly ever snows in real life in the southerly part of Little England. 

Neil who’s been fixing point motors under his trainset has again become stuck in a crouched kneeling position having done his back, unlike his kneeling twin half brother Neil who is simply a submissive snivelling little tick who will kneel at any opportunity. 

Barry Bullhead from The Ministry of Madness (formerly Ministry of Misery) is talking to Malcolm who has spotted a mouse in the cab. Malcolm is scared of mice, and most things that are small and fluffy. This is blamed on the fact that as a small child he wasn’t allowed a fluffy teddy bear. 

Over to the right, loveable geeza bloke, former boxer, arm wrestler Gaylord Grip and Comical Ned (with the funny shaped head) are having a good old laugh, having put a toy mouse on the footplate of the engine. 

And finally, lonely Rachel from The Ministry of Madness accounts department has appeared wanting to discuss Barry’s side hustle moonshine business in a desperate means of kickstarting a flatlined economy.

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Sunday Engineering

It’s a blustery but sunny Sunday in the land of the inch high, as an engineering train arrives with a load of ballast. But as usual no weed killer, however the weeds hold everything together a bit like ivy covering a time expired rotten wooden fence panel. 

Double Denim Dancing Dando is at the helm as Waving Wally directs where the loco and wagons need to go. But of course that’s decided by which way the points are set. He’s actually called Waymond, but has the loveable nickname of Wally for not being the brightest of his waving brothers.  

Meanwhile over to the right next to The Miners Arms pub waiting at the unguarded crossing, a steam Sentinel flatbed lorry has a large wooden box which will almost certainly have something illicit and boozy within. 

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I very rarely chat about the the models which are all 1/76 aka OO. So here goes from left to right…..

The steel wagon is Bachmann. 

The water tower is a Wills kit. 

Steam pump house is scratch built with a Skytrex resin chimney. 

The loco is a pimped up Hornby ‘Austerity’ 0-6-0 called ‘Radstock’. 

The ballast hopper wagons were a secondhand buy already made over 20 years ago. They might be Jidenco kits. They’re brass and rather lovely. 

The cottage is a chopped up Hornby resin building. 

The brake van is a 6-wheeler from Oxford Rail as is the Sentinel steam lorry.

And finally the pub is a laser cut farm cottage from Petite Properties. 

And finally finally, the crane is a Wills kit. 

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Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster

Snivelling little tick Neil takes the knee in awe of what appears to be time-tunnel, black-hole pan-galactic-gargle-blaster thingamajig that he hopes can take him to a different scale, in a different time, in a different Little England. For he’s often fantasised about about being on an N gauge model railway, or even better T gauge, though he’s aware that spiders that often live on model railways are the same size irrespective of the scale of the layout. 

Clive however, is more worried about the crate of moonshine wedged underneath to stop it falling over, whilst wondering how what appears to be a 12 inch to the foot scale lens got to where it is. But then remembers that those 12 inch to the foot people can be as mischievous as those in the land of the Inch High. 

Meanwhile as a prank, Andrew in his Barclay locomotive sneaks up hoping that Neil will stand up and look through the lens and see a hugely magnified engine coming his way. 

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Rubber Coupling

Andrew and his Barclay locomotive simmer in the colliery yard. It turns out that his loco has a wonky rear 3 link coupling. It would appear that the steel one has been replaced with one made from rubber. ‘Experts’ Bob Geeza Cat, Barry Bullhead and Fireman Frank investigate, for a rubber 3 link coupling is about as useful as a chocolate tea pot. 

Driver Andrew then suggests that they swap it with the one off the front. Andrew never did that well at school, and only managed to be an engine driver because he has an identical twin brother who took all the exams for him. 

Bob Geeza Cat then suggests that they borrow a 3 link coupling from an old wagon. But because Bob only speaks in ‘meow’, his suggestion goes unnoticed sadly. But Bob is such a clever cat we all must agree 🐾

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Let’s do the Locomotion

On Tuesdays, Waving Willy and Bob Geeza cat love to take their vintage ‘Locomotion’ out for a spin. But it’s quite high maintenance, so Gary the Greaser is ready with a brush and bucket full of gunk which he has to apply every 7 minutes to all moving parts. And that’s before he starts on the locomotive.

Trusty Tool

Andrew and his Barclay are pottering around the colliery sidings, then suddenly Harry the Hammer appears from nowhere like Nosferatu with his trusty tool eager to fix something. For there are few jobs he can’t do with his hammer, even those that don’t really need fixing, especially if near the end of his shift. 

Andrew quickly applies the brakes before going into a hasty retreat whilst muttering “There’s nothing wrong with my engine, and anyway it’s the end of your shift, it’s always the end of your shift”, and there lies the problem.

Pic taken on traditional B&W 35mm film, home souped and sprinkled with a little digital glitter. Nikkormat FT2, 35mm Nikkor, Fomapan 100. 

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Hiding in Plain Sight

In the land of the inch high the weather is generally better than that of the 12 inches to the foot. Well certainly here in the UK anyway as I look out the window at another cold damp day in full sized Little England. 

The morning haze clears to reveal the arrival of a Stanier 2-8-0 freight locomotive simmering in the sidings at Fountain Colliery. Being allocated to Bath Green Park, it’s travelled a fair way to arrive here in The Forest of Dean, but here in Little England that’s only a few feet assisted by the human crane as it dips into the stock box. 

Barry Bullhead from The Ministry of Madness, previously known as The Ministry of Misery before the last election, has popped out of the winding engine house to survey the scene. But today he’s on unofficial business checking out a new moonshine still which has recently been set up within. The busy noisy dirty environment being an ideal spot for a moonshine still to hide in plain sight - well for a few days anyway, just long enough to do a brew or two. And of course the pit head engineers are more than happy enough to turn a blind eye to activities in exchange for a gallon of two of boozy tincture. 

And finally, Pete and Dud have climbed down off the engine to take in the crisp cool air of the morning and to look at their engine, which is a nice change from the more usual ex GWR Pannier tank used to take loaded coal trucks down to Lydney and beyond.

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The Dreaded Office Party

It’s that time of year, the time of the dreaded office party when all the once-a-year-drinkers descend to the pub and generally make a nuisance of themselves - usually in front of the boss or ‘line manager’. 

WTF is a ‘line manager’ btw? I’m guessing it’s one of those promotions aimed at the incompetent who couldn’t legally be sacked? But never having been an office type I’ve no idea. Though I’m sure someone here might be able advise? I presume it’s nothing to do with painting lines on roads or the sports field?

We’ve all come across these yearly revellers in the local pub, they like to form an orderly queue to the bar, even though it’s 25 feet wide. Any other time of year it’s a full bar width rummage, with most of the skill being how quickly you can attract the attention of the bar staff. 

They then want to taste all the different beers before ordering a labour intensive coffee with some silly name, then at the last moment they order a Guinness. They then quickly move on to shots followed by shouting and an increasing lack of spacial awareness. Actually no spacial awareness. 

I’ve never understood why pubs don’t sell coffee on tap like one of those coin operated machines of olden times. Think of the time that could be saved. Though in my opinion if you want coffee, go to a cafe, for most high streets have more ‘coffee shops’ than shoppers these days. 

Okay, mild rant over as I head rapidly towards ‘being of a certain age’. Though I fear these outcries will probably become more frequent from now on. 

So here we are, with many of the inch high about to embark on their annual jolly, but unlike badly fitting cheap suited office land, this lot are well rehearsed at partying, for they do it in one form or another most days of the week. 

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Time Warp Tuesday - Overcombe

Time warp Tuesday 

Almost 40 years separate the B&W and colour photographs here. 

Back in the 1980s when I was still a fetus and a member of the Southampton Model Model Railway Society, I photographed Overcombe, a club layout at the time for the long gone Model Railway Constructor. 

In the ‘70s and ‘80s the club was at Sholing Railway Station, and we took the layout out on to the platform to perform the photography. That’s me as an angelic cherub in the first photograph as other members of the club shuffle around with some pale blue painted hardboard. Passengers at the crews of passing full sized trains were quite amused I recall. 

Then whilst at a toy train show in 2022 I discovered that 3/4 of the layout still exists, so I revisited the layout for a few new snaps. This time the layout living in a garage just a few miles away. 

After performing the more recent shots, my 1984 B&W negatives came to hand, one of the club members had been looking after them for all that time. So I’ve popped some of them through the scanner. 

B&W photos are from 1985

Colour from 2022. 

Find out more (with extra photos!!!) about Overcombe and Southampton Model Railway Society here. https://www.southamptonmodelrailwaysociety.co.uk/society-layouts/overcombe/

Vermin Infestation

Most of the inch high are terrified of mice for some reason. Though I suppose if they are 12 inches to the foot there would be good reason. Though a mouse is unlikely to be interested in a figure made of white metal or resin. 

Though what appeals to mice can be curious. For in the cupboard under our sink a few years ago I found tiny shards of chewed plastic. I turned out that mice had managed to get in and took a liking to the plastic label wrapper on some bottles of super strength kitchen cleaner my misses buys online. True story btw. The mice soon moved on after the cat found them and the offending bottles placed elsewhere. 

I digress, for Bob Geeza Cat has been sent in to sort out a 1/76 scale vermin infestation. Something that he’ll no doubt do quite well, though given the choice of tick and flea infested vermin and tinned pilchards in tomato sauce he’ll almost certainly favour the latter. Though as always, Bob poses for the photograph here first, doing what he does best to balance the composition. 

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FED 3b

Another camera from the collection. A near mint FED 3b from the mid 1970s. These cameras were made in Kharkov, Ukraine between 1961 and 1979. 

The interchangeable 53mm f2.8 lens which dates from 1988 is somewhat newer than the camera. It’s a 4 elements in 3 groups Tessar design. 

The lens is quite excellent, even fully open and being a 39mm screw thread mount can be used in Zorki and even Leica cameras. With an inexpensive adapter it can also be used on a modern mirrorless camera.

Horse Beer

Thursday morning and Hubert the conversational Latin speak horse has been given a crate of bottled moonshine laced brown ale for his birthday. Muttering in Latin he says to Clive, “Valde hoc genus vestrum est, sed utre opener lucto”. 

Meanwhile Neil is following Bob Geeza Cat around trying to give him a stroke, but Bob isn’t going to make things easy for him. Neal, we all know you’re scared of heights and that old building is crumbling away. Such a silly boy. 

And finally, the old LNWR ‘Coal Tank’ is back in action pottering around the sidings pushing wagons around from here to there and from there to here in no particular order. 

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Rubber Frying Pans & Bottled Daylight

As the sun tries its best to break through the low cloud cover, boatman Wilfred Windinghole chats to Doug and Double Denim Dancing Dando about the price of cod, the state of the cut, the madness at the newly formed Ministry of Madness, the dreadful music in the hit parade, those darn young baby boomers and all their ‘modern stuff’, and generally how much better things were in the dark ages.

Wilfred and his narrowboat tours the old coal canal selling his wares, which can be anything from canned heat, chocolate teapots, metric adjustable spanners, random lengths of string for measuring things, fireproof lamp oil, clockwork fluorescent tubes, rubber frying pans, bottled daylight, tins of dried water, liver oil toothpaste, invisible footballs, deep fried dust for those on a diet and of course coal polish to make your low grade dusty Somerset coal look like finest Welsh anthracite. For you have to give the kids something to do when they come up from their 19 hour shift down the pit.

Regulars will have spotted Bob Geeza Cat and Rufus Hound simply taking in the scene in the hope that they might get a treat. But hopefully not something off boatman Wilfred’s boat.

And finally, that’s brat granny Beryl’s Austin 7…. But no Beryl. Maybe she’s been abducted by aliens? For she’s always chatted about her wish to date a little green man with three eyes and lots of knobbly bits to play with, but of course she could easily find similar at the local toy train exhibition. 

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