Moonshine Express

It’s Sunday morning, and it’s the launch of the new ‘Moonshine Express’ as the crew line up for inspection and final briefing before the whistle blows for departure. 

Even the engine runs on moonshine, for whilst it looks like a fireless locomotive, steam is created by burning moonshine, which is so much cleaner than coal, and of course in the land of the inch high hugely abundant. 

Onboard in addition to bottomless moonshine on tap, there is rather average entertainment in form of a ukulele duo performed by Chris & Chris, that’s them on the platform in matching attire. It should have been a solo act, but an error in the 3D printing ordering system created 2 rather average and somewhat irritating performers, when to be honest  just one ukulele player and crooner is more than enough for anyone. 

Those who’ve suffered a ‘uketroupe’ performance, usually the last act at a village summer fete (to make people want to go home), will know there’s limit to how many times you can put up with Bad Moon Rising and Folsom Prison Blues in the key of C played at 257 beats for minute. 

Any ukulele players here will know that everything in the ukulele world is in the key of C, that being the law ever since George Formby gave up leaning on a lamp post because dogs kept wanting to use him as toilet. 

As finally, Benny and Rufus Hound are covering for Bob Geeza Cat, adding compositional balance and interest to the right side of the frame. Benny wearing his waterproof trousers just in case Rufus wants to use him as a lamp post. 

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Cat Litter Train

 

Sometime in the mid noughties, Class 60, no 60026 is caught ready to depart Cement Quay with freshly quarried cat litter for the not very well known ‘Kitty Fresh’ factory near Catford in Southeast London. Being lightweight, high sided wagons can be used like the ones here. 

Former film and television critics Barry & Norman, are now employed by EWS to pose in photographs due to the location being popular with Class 60 trainspotters and photographers. 

Bob Geeza Cat, taught them everything they need to know, including always standing next to each other for greater compositional impact. It’s rumoured that Bachmann based their high vis orange clad little people on Barry & Norman, but in toy train land there are many rumours, so it’s probably complete nonsense much like this post. 

However, Class 60s are almost as popular as Class 37s, with many hobbyists collecting as many as they possibly can in miniature to place on their overcrowded TMD layouts. 

Enthusiasts love the Class 60, because like the Class 37, it’s a proper British built locomotive, unlike those pesky Canadian Class 66 interlopers which make silly ‘ying ying’ noises all the time.

This is a scene on Cement Quay which I built back in 2006, it depicting a little bit of what was then the current railway scene. I no longer have the layout, for it now lives with a pal somewhere north of the Pennines where there be wild Haggis and where you can buy ready mixed tartan paint over the counter.

Uncle Bob

Wednesday morning at Brew Street, and railway historian and minority interest TV presenter Uncle Bob, Hard Hat Hartley, Bob Geeza Cat and Harry Hunslet pose for a photo in front of an old wagon that’s somehow managed to avoid a repaint since the 1920s.

Want your very own Uncle Bob?

Checkout Buggeskelly Station https://www.buggleskellystation.com/

Milky Monday

Milky Monday

 

It’s a lovely sunny morning at Ankle Bend level crossing just outside Combwich, as the morning goods arrives from Highbridge. Little Eddie, part time ’Teddy Boy’ and weekend hell raiser is at the helm of one of Templecombe shed’s ex GWR pannier tank locomotives. 

 

Milky Malcolm patiently waits at the crossing for the gates to open. He’s performing his daily round delivering cheese, cream and of course milk to whoever requires such. He also sells moonshine in special opaque white milk bottles to disguise the clear boozy contents. The moonshine bottles have a green crimped foil top to differentiate them from the more familiar gold and silver topped milk bottles.

Malcolm occasionally gets the milk and moonshine mixed up, for he is colour blind and unable to differentiate between green and gold. This isn’t helped if the customer isn’t paying attention, also colour blind or simply drunk. But nobody ever complains, apart from those specifically wanting the green topped bottles. 

 

He struggles with traffic lights as well, but luckily in this part of rural Somerset, such devices are few and far between, and with so little traffic they’re usually ignored anyway - much like many of today’s righteous spandex clad urban warrior cyclists do. 

 

Due to one of Malcolm’s errors, a Women's Institute tea party last week was quite a riotous event by all accounts, with much jollity and cake throwing, as the normally straight-laced twin-set wearing, walnut cake loving social climbing ladies of a certain age supped their hooch laced Earl Grey tea. 

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Fuggy Friday

Tap to enlarge 

It’s Fuggy Friday

Following on from yesterday’s post…..

Deep in The Forest around sunrise it’s a little smoggy and fuggy, it being a mix of morning mist, wood and coal fire smoke, wild boar farts, and Capstan Full Strength. 

Overnight, the wagon loaded with all sorts of illicit goodies has managed to travel the rail network undetected, though a little bribery helps wonders, especially at 3am when nothing much is going on to upset timetabled workings. 

The Miners Arms has a very convenient siding, allowing the wagon to be unloaded nice and close to the pub. And as we can see, everything and everyone are well coordinated in getting the bounty to the bar in time for the lunchtime opening. 

And for those who’ve missed our favourite granny Beryl, you’ll notice that she’s back after a few weeks on Flat Holm enjoying a well earned break as well as boosting the moral of those who work there. 

That’s her standing next to her trusty Austin Seven and Arthritic Arthur who appears to have done his back in again. Beryl should really be less demanding of Arthur. 

What happens in The Forest, stays in The Forest….

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Return to the Miners Arms

 Here we are again at Whimsy Pit and wharf. 

The pit is a sort of sham, it being mostly used for storage of illicit booze and dodgy smuggled items. Though it does produce a tiny quantity of coal, just enough to tick enough boxes to satisfy The Ministry of Mayhem, though 90% of the coal mined is used just to keep the water pumps throbbing way so the mine doesn’t flood. 

On the locomotive, Waving Willy under the watchful eye of Rufus Hound is about to collect a wagon destined for Fountain Colliery. This wagon is also a sham, for those with good eyesight will be able to pick out ‘Return to the Miners Arms’, it being nothing to do with the nearby Fountain Colliery. The wagon is used for smuggled goods, mostly casks of illicit booze destined for the pub mentioned. All hidden under a light coal load of course. 

The wooden casks about to be loaded, have just been rolled off the coastal steam freighter which recently arrived from Flat Holm (formerly known High Holm until a devastating moonshine explosion). Regular readers of my nonsense will know that the islands of Flat Holm and Steep Holm in the middle of The Bristol Channel have been used for illicit booze production for several hundred years, well, rumour has it anyway. 

Next, the casks will be craned in to the wagon, but the harness used to hold the casks appears to have gone missing. It’s possible that Nasal Nigel who was spotted nearby recently has something to do with this, for he loves being trussed up like a Christmas turkey clutching his TT scale Flying Scotsman which he’s modified so it can run off mains voltage. 

But fear not, Steve and his trusty spanner has just arrived to cobble something together, for there’s nothing Steve can’t do with his trusty tool which he always has by his side. 

As soon as the sun sets, the little engine and its load will be on its way avoiding being spotted, covertly travelling the rail network after dark back to The Miners Arms. 

And finally, although this engine is ‘fireless’, is has a tiny internal combustion engines to allow it to reach its destination when it runs out of pufferty puff. And there we are being lead to believe that this range extending ‘hybrid’ technology is something new. 

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The Beast of Sedgemoor

Poke to enlarge 

Unlike in full sized England, which is now officially twinned with Atlantis due to all the rain, here at Whimsy Pit it’s a beautiful hot sunny day. 

Former publican, now turned conversational Latin speaking horse whisperer Shamus O’Shandy, is asking Hubert the conversational Latin speaking horse if he’d like to have a day out fishing in his new rowing boat. That’s it up against the wall next to Benny who’s counting old cartwheel spokes just in case the number has changed overnight. Which they do from time to time oddly enough. 

However Hubert, who is such a clever horse, suggests that it might be a little too small for the both of them, especially if they catch a really huge fish or spy submarine causing them to capsize. And anyway, Hubert much prefers to be on dry land as he mutters something about seahorses and webbed hooves. 

Meanwhile, Freddy the Flag standing next to Driver Peter and his Peckett locomotive is keeping an eye out for The Beast of Sedgemoor which was spotted by several people overnight around pub closing time roaming the bogs. Though that might just be the effect of a night out on moonshine laced rough scrumpy cider which is known for its hallucinogenic qualities. 

And finally, smoke fanatics will notice how both the steam freighter in the distance and the locomotive have an almost identical smoke pattern. Such synchronised firemanship skills takes years to learn, and I hope you agree they’ve really pulled it off this morning to an Olympic level. 

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Fully Compensated Chassis Saturday

 

It’s Fully Compensated Chassis Saturday 

Here we are at Polbrook Gurney Colliery, and a few of the inch high are off on a trip to Bath for a pub crawl. 

As they wait for their service to Binegar where they’ll change for the Bath train, the daily Frome to Highbridge via Evercreech Junction pick up goods rumbles through. 

After their pub crawl they’ll stop over in Bath for the weekend and probably have several more pub crawls before returning Monday morning. For trying to get back to Polbrook any time after 5pm is always a challenge with poor connections and a head of booze. 

The reality, the 4F is one of my oldest locomotives, it’s a ready to run Airfix loco bought around 45 years ago from Beatties in Southampton. It’s since had a replacement Comet chassis, a repaint, renumber and much of the moulded detailing replaced with wire etc. I think it still stands its ground, as well as running a complete dream with the most incredible pulling power due to chassis compensation. 

Toot toot

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Rapido Fireless Andrew Barclay 0-4-0

 

Tap to blow up big 

Today we’re back again at Whimsy Pit and wharf. 

A fireless Andrew Barclay No.2 has managed to covertly make the journey all the way overnight from Brew Street (see yesterday’s post) to collect a few tatty old wagons containing illicit goods, some of which is believed to have come by the old steam freighter in the background from the tax free island of Flat Holm (formerly known as High Holm until the great moonshine explosion of 1893). 

Due to the limited range of a fireless locomotive and lack of facilities to recharge the reservoir, you’ll note that it appears to have been fitted with a mast (and hopefully sail) allowing it to continue on its journey, wind direction and strength permitting, whilst finding a route without tunnels and bridges. 

Rumour has it electric car manufacturers are looking at this range extending option too. But of course low bridges and overhead motorway signage will have to be avoided. 

Meanwhile Blue Maggie (estranged half twin sister of Red Rachel) is chatting about smashing the equine unions with the Hubert the conversational Latin speaking horse who today is in charge of mine tubs. This could potentially end in a strike with all railway and mining horses walking out. 

And finally, today Rufus Hound is covering for Bob Geeza Cat in adding compositional interest and balance to photographs. 

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Lost False Teeth

It’s a lovely sunny summery Front End Friday at Whimsy Pit and wharf, and shunter Colin is looking for his false teeth that fell out whilst shouting out instructions to the engine crew who are retrieving some ancient side tipping wagons used for spoil removal. 

Bob Geeza Cat is having a day off, but despite this, never turns down the offer to pose in photographs like this one to balance or add interest. 

Meanwhile Beryl’s Austin 7 is about to be carefully moved out of the way by the Ruston Bucyrus front shovel after she abandoned it hastily rushing for the boat to Flat Holm in the middle of the Bristol Channel well over a week ago. 

She’s not been seen since, so she’s probably still on the island helping the younger more strapping moonshiners, for she loves a ‘young strapping man who can’. 

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The Man Cave

Tab to blow up 

Part of my railway room, and 3 of my smaller layouts. I have a similar set up on the other side of the room with Catcott and Polbrook Gurney Collery. 

The ones here, from left to right are; Whimsy Pit, Fountain Colliery, a mini product photography booth and Brew Street. 

They’re all removable, fully operational and can be attached to fiddle/staging yards should I ever take them to an exhibition. Fountain Colliery and Brew Street can be joined together end to end to make a bigger layout. 

They all have built in photography grade lighting. For some reason my iPhone has made the skies appear far more blue than they actually are. 

When they’re all lit up like this, I’m sure the neighbours think I’m growing something dodgy or have a strange tropical fish tank collection.

The Border

Tap to blow up 

The railway siding next to the Kettle Inn marks the boundary between the tax free county of Somerset and the rest of Little England. 

Much illicit trading of goods happens at this point, moonshine being traded for cheese being quite high in the list of produce, along with potted Mendip snails and of course proper farmhouse cider in exchange for beer from Burton. 

Though quite why you’d want beer from Burton I’ve no idea, because Somerset have some great breweries. Though a lot of folks from the Midlands retire and holiday in Somerset, so there must be a market for beer that smells of stale eggs, aka, ‘Burton Snatch’ (Google it). 

Until recently this spot has very much been under the radar due to the impossible task of trying to police the activity. But it looks like Red Rachel from the Ministry of U Turns has found out. 

However rumour has it that she’ll soon leave the ministry and is looking for a nice pub to run, so her appearance here might not be quite we’re thinking, for if she takes over The Kettle Inn, she’ll be looking for booze and other produce to sell like bare knuckle scratchings and deep fried spicy wasps. 

Meanwhile Waving Willy has just turned up with his scruffy old engine for his morning break, this being a popular spot with loco crews in search of a refreshment between shunting duties. 

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Silent Whistle Way

Tap to enlarge 

Its late summer of 1966, six months after closure of Combwich and a Class 22 diesel hydraulic arrives to collect wagons of scrap prior to the lifting of the rails. 

This is now the site of a scruffy housing estate, you know, the type that has pebbledash prefabricated concrete garages, dumped cars, hundreds of random wheelie bins with broken lids and torn refuse sacks that the local fox population have been exploring the contents of. 

Apart from the odd railway named road like ‘Beechings Close’ or ‘Silent Whistle Way’ you’d never know that there had once a railway here. Though the railway has been gone for so long, few will even get the railway connection. 

Toot toot

Flood Preparation

Prod to blow up 

Former pub landlord Shamus O’Shandy and Andrew Barclay pause to enjoy in the lovely late summer morning at Whimsy Pit.

This little known coastal pit and wharf marks the far western extremity of the North Somerset coal field. However the tiny mine is used mostly as a storage facility for illicit goods and other contraband, but a token amount of coal is bought to the surface to justify its existence and just about covers the cost of keeping the water pumps running. 

High water springs and a gusty southwesterly are due, so an old dinghy has been placed near the tracks just in case there’s a little flooding. Though climbing up on to the engine is probably a better option, for if it does flood it will only be a foot or two deep. And anyway the dinghy has no oars or anchor, so will float away into the Bristol Channel before it’s of any use. 

Meanwhile having built up a good head of steam, the old coastal steam freighter is about to head off to Flat Holm, a small island in the middle of the Bristol Channel to collect a fresh batch of moonshine. 

Flat Holm used to be called High Holm, but frequent moonshine production explosions over the years have reduced the island’s height, hence it now being called Flat Holm. 

The eagle eyed will spot Bob Geeza Cat standing on the roof of the bridge, he’s off to the island with Beryl for a few days holiday, Bob for the rodents, and Beryl for the strapping young men who produce the moonshine. That’s her Austin Seven by the way. 

And finally, most of my posts are based on a suspect reality, so should not be taken too seriously by scholars seeking total historical accuracy. 

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After the Storm

Lick to enlarge, sanitise screen after 

3 or 4 times a year during storm conditions and extra high spring tides, the sidings at Whimsy Pit flood for a few hours. 

Luckily the entrance to the mineshaft is sufficiently high not to flood, though it did once when the snows during the winter of 1947 melted and it coincided with the highest spring tide in years. Luckily nobody was injured because they’d bunked off early to the pub. 

After these occasional occurrences, an inspection train travels the line to check that everything is okay. Which is usually is luckily. 

Hiding in the cab out of sight, Tom & Laurie arrive with their small green engine and short train, but because the windows are filthy they can’t see where they’re going. So because of this, Leather Apron Lookout Larry from the fish gutters is hired to stand on the front of the engine as an extra pair of eyes issuing instructions as required. 

When going in reverse, on the brakevan you can just about make out brothers Waving Willy and Waving Woger who perform a similar task, though because they wave 24/7 even when sleeping, things can get confusing, though aggressive seagulls do tend to keep their distance. 

On the track, Freddy Flag keeps an eye on things as Pickaxe Pete has a plan which involves making holes in the track bed and through the baseboard, in the hope that next time things flood the water will drain faster. 

Under the end of the rainbow our favourite moonshiners have struck gold as they successfully trial out their new nimble mobile moonshine production unit which sits on a 3 wheeled Scammell, thus making it ideal for those narrow country lanes as they try to evade the local old Bill. 

And finally, Bob Geeza Cat does his best to balance the composition, for he is such a clever cat 🐾

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Push & Shove

Tap to blow up big 

It’s Twin Tank Loco Thursday (or ‘two times’ if still at nursery school or from ‘merica). 

Like excited puppies, Peter and his Peckett and Harry and his Hunslet have been playfully pushing and chasing each other around the sidings all morning. Though Harry does have the advantage of the bigger engine. But Peter’s engine is more nimble. Ah, the innocent joys of inch high Little England where nothing really matters. 

But now it’s time for a quick break before getting on with some actual work seeing that Freddy Flag and Harry the Hammer have appeared to coordinate and fix things. 

Bob Geeza Cat is of course is enjoying the warmth of the engine, he’s always good at seeking such spots, for he’s such a clever cat 🐾

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