Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve down at the canal wharf. And of course it’s snowing, for that’s been the law, especially in Christmas films and photos since 1883, even though it hardly ever snows in real life in the southerly part of Little England. 

Neil who’s been fixing point motors under his trainset has again become stuck in a crouched kneeling position having done his back, unlike his kneeling twin half brother Neil who is simply a submissive snivelling little tick who will kneel at any opportunity. 

Barry Bullhead from The Ministry of Madness (formerly Ministry of Misery) is talking to Malcolm who has spotted a mouse in the cab. Malcolm is scared of mice, and most things that are small and fluffy. This is blamed on the fact that as a small child he wasn’t allowed a fluffy teddy bear. 

Over to the right, loveable geeza bloke, former boxer, arm wrestler Gaylord Grip and Comical Ned (with the funny shaped head) are having a good old laugh, having put a toy mouse on the footplate of the engine. 

And finally, lonely Rachel from The Ministry of Madness accounts department has appeared wanting to discuss Barry’s side hustle moonshine business in a desperate means of kickstarting a flatlined economy.

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Sunday Engineering

It’s a blustery but sunny Sunday in the land of the inch high, as an engineering train arrives with a load of ballast. But as usual no weed killer, however the weeds hold everything together a bit like ivy covering a time expired rotten wooden fence panel. 

Double Denim Dancing Dando is at the helm as Waving Wally directs where the loco and wagons need to go. But of course that’s decided by which way the points are set. He’s actually called Waymond, but has the loveable nickname of Wally for not being the brightest of his waving brothers.  

Meanwhile over to the right next to The Miners Arms pub waiting at the unguarded crossing, a steam Sentinel flatbed lorry has a large wooden box which will almost certainly have something illicit and boozy within. 

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I very rarely chat about the the models which are all 1/76 aka OO. So here goes from left to right…..

The steel wagon is Bachmann. 

The water tower is a Wills kit. 

Steam pump house is scratch built with a Skytrex resin chimney. 

The loco is a pimped up Hornby ‘Austerity’ 0-6-0 called ‘Radstock’. 

The ballast hopper wagons were a secondhand buy already made over 20 years ago. They might be Jidenco kits. They’re brass and rather lovely. 

The cottage is a chopped up Hornby resin building. 

The brake van is a 6-wheeler from Oxford Rail as is the Sentinel steam lorry.

And finally the pub is a laser cut farm cottage from Petite Properties. 

And finally finally, the crane is a Wills kit. 

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Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster

Snivelling little tick Neil takes the knee in awe of what appears to be time-tunnel, black-hole pan-galactic-gargle-blaster thingamajig that he hopes can take him to a different scale, in a different time, in a different Little England. For he’s often fantasised about about being on an N gauge model railway, or even better T gauge, though he’s aware that spiders that often live on model railways are the same size irrespective of the scale of the layout. 

Clive however, is more worried about the crate of moonshine wedged underneath to stop it falling over, whilst wondering how what appears to be a 12 inch to the foot scale lens got to where it is. But then remembers that those 12 inch to the foot people can be as mischievous as those in the land of the Inch High. 

Meanwhile as a prank, Andrew in his Barclay locomotive sneaks up hoping that Neil will stand up and look through the lens and see a hugely magnified engine coming his way. 

~~~🤩~~~

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Rubber Coupling

Andrew and his Barclay locomotive simmer in the colliery yard. It turns out that his loco has a wonky rear 3 link coupling. It would appear that the steel one has been replaced with one made from rubber. ‘Experts’ Bob Geeza Cat, Barry Bullhead and Fireman Frank investigate, for a rubber 3 link coupling is about as useful as a chocolate tea pot. 

Driver Andrew then suggests that they swap it with the one off the front. Andrew never did that well at school, and only managed to be an engine driver because he has an identical twin brother who took all the exams for him. 

Bob Geeza Cat then suggests that they borrow a 3 link coupling from an old wagon. But because Bob only speaks in ‘meow’, his suggestion goes unnoticed sadly. But Bob is such a clever cat we all must agree 🐾

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Let’s do the Locomotion

On Tuesdays, Waving Willy and Bob Geeza cat love to take their vintage ‘Locomotion’ out for a spin. But it’s quite high maintenance, so Gary the Greaser is ready with a brush and bucket full of gunk which he has to apply every 7 minutes to all moving parts. And that’s before he starts on the locomotive.

Trusty Tool

Andrew and his Barclay are pottering around the colliery sidings, then suddenly Harry the Hammer appears from nowhere like Nosferatu with his trusty tool eager to fix something. For there are few jobs he can’t do with his hammer, even those that don’t really need fixing, especially if near the end of his shift. 

Andrew quickly applies the brakes before going into a hasty retreat whilst muttering “There’s nothing wrong with my engine, and anyway it’s the end of your shift, it’s always the end of your shift”, and there lies the problem.

Pic taken on traditional B&W 35mm film, home souped and sprinkled with a little digital glitter. Nikkormat FT2, 35mm Nikkor, Fomapan 100. 

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Hiding in Plain Sight

In the land of the inch high the weather is generally better than that of the 12 inches to the foot. Well certainly here in the UK anyway as I look out the window at another cold damp day in full sized Little England. 

The morning haze clears to reveal the arrival of a Stanier 2-8-0 freight locomotive simmering in the sidings at Fountain Colliery. Being allocated to Bath Green Park, it’s travelled a fair way to arrive here in The Forest of Dean, but here in Little England that’s only a few feet assisted by the human crane as it dips into the stock box. 

Barry Bullhead from The Ministry of Madness, previously known as The Ministry of Misery before the last election, has popped out of the winding engine house to survey the scene. But today he’s on unofficial business checking out a new moonshine still which has recently been set up within. The busy noisy dirty environment being an ideal spot for a moonshine still to hide in plain sight - well for a few days anyway, just long enough to do a brew or two. And of course the pit head engineers are more than happy enough to turn a blind eye to activities in exchange for a gallon of two of boozy tincture. 

And finally, Pete and Dud have climbed down off the engine to take in the crisp cool air of the morning and to look at their engine, which is a nice change from the more usual ex GWR Pannier tank used to take loaded coal trucks down to Lydney and beyond.

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The Dreaded Office Party

It’s that time of year, the time of the dreaded office party when all the once-a-year-drinkers descend to the pub and generally make a nuisance of themselves - usually in front of the boss or ‘line manager’. 

WTF is a ‘line manager’ btw? I’m guessing it’s one of those promotions aimed at the incompetent who couldn’t legally be sacked? But never having been an office type I’ve no idea. Though I’m sure someone here might be able advise? I presume it’s nothing to do with painting lines on roads or the sports field?

We’ve all come across these yearly revellers in the local pub, they like to form an orderly queue to the bar, even though it’s 25 feet wide. Any other time of year it’s a full bar width rummage, with most of the skill being how quickly you can attract the attention of the bar staff. 

They then want to taste all the different beers before ordering a labour intensive coffee with some silly name, then at the last moment they order a Guinness. They then quickly move on to shots followed by shouting and an increasing lack of spacial awareness. Actually no spacial awareness. 

I’ve never understood why pubs don’t sell coffee on tap like one of those coin operated machines of olden times. Think of the time that could be saved. Though in my opinion if you want coffee, go to a cafe, for most high streets have more ‘coffee shops’ than shoppers these days. 

Okay, mild rant over as I head rapidly towards ‘being of a certain age’. Though I fear these outcries will probably become more frequent from now on. 

So here we are, with many of the inch high about to embark on their annual jolly, but unlike badly fitting cheap suited office land, this lot are well rehearsed at partying, for they do it in one form or another most days of the week. 

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Time Warp Tuesday - Overcombe

Time warp Tuesday 

Almost 40 years separate the B&W and colour photographs here. 

Back in the 1980s when I was still a fetus and a member of the Southampton Model Model Railway Society, I photographed Overcombe, a club layout at the time for the long gone Model Railway Constructor. 

In the ‘70s and ‘80s the club was at Sholing Railway Station, and we took the layout out on to the platform to perform the photography. That’s me as an angelic cherub in the first photograph as other members of the club shuffle around with some pale blue painted hardboard. Passengers at the crews of passing full sized trains were quite amused I recall. 

Then whilst at a toy train show in 2022 I discovered that 3/4 of the layout still exists, so I revisited the layout for a few new snaps. This time the layout living in a garage just a few miles away. 

After performing the more recent shots, my 1984 B&W negatives came to hand, one of the club members had been looking after them for all that time. So I’ve popped some of them through the scanner. 

B&W photos are from 1985

Colour from 2022. 

Find out more (with extra photos!!!) about Overcombe and Southampton Model Railway Society here. https://www.southamptonmodelrailwaysociety.co.uk/society-layouts/overcombe/

Vermin Infestation

Most of the inch high are terrified of mice for some reason. Though I suppose if they are 12 inches to the foot there would be good reason. Though a mouse is unlikely to be interested in a figure made of white metal or resin. 

Though what appeals to mice can be curious. For in the cupboard under our sink a few years ago I found tiny shards of chewed plastic. I turned out that mice had managed to get in and took a liking to the plastic label wrapper on some bottles of super strength kitchen cleaner my misses buys online. True story btw. The mice soon moved on after the cat found them and the offending bottles placed elsewhere. 

I digress, for Bob Geeza Cat has been sent in to sort out a 1/76 scale vermin infestation. Something that he’ll no doubt do quite well, though given the choice of tick and flea infested vermin and tinned pilchards in tomato sauce he’ll almost certainly favour the latter. Though as always, Bob poses for the photograph here first, doing what he does best to balance the composition. 

~~~🐭~~~

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FED 3b

Another camera from the collection. A near mint FED 3b from the mid 1970s. These cameras were made in Kharkov, Ukraine between 1961 and 1979. 

The interchangeable 53mm f2.8 lens which dates from 1988 is somewhat newer than the camera. It’s a 4 elements in 3 groups Tessar design. 

The lens is quite excellent, even fully open and being a 39mm screw thread mount can be used in Zorki and even Leica cameras. With an inexpensive adapter it can also be used on a modern mirrorless camera.

Horse Beer

Thursday morning and Hubert the conversational Latin speak horse has been given a crate of bottled moonshine laced brown ale for his birthday. Muttering in Latin he says to Clive, “Valde hoc genus vestrum est, sed utre opener lucto”. 

Meanwhile Neil is following Bob Geeza Cat around trying to give him a stroke, but Bob isn’t going to make things easy for him. Neal, we all know you’re scared of heights and that old building is crumbling away. Such a silly boy. 

And finally, the old LNWR ‘Coal Tank’ is back in action pottering around the sidings pushing wagons around from here to there and from there to here in no particular order. 

~~~🐎~~~

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Rubber Frying Pans & Bottled Daylight

As the sun tries its best to break through the low cloud cover, boatman Wilfred Windinghole chats to Doug and Double Denim Dancing Dando about the price of cod, the state of the cut, the madness at the newly formed Ministry of Madness, the dreadful music in the hit parade, those darn young baby boomers and all their ‘modern stuff’, and generally how much better things were in the dark ages.

Wilfred and his narrowboat tours the old coal canal selling his wares, which can be anything from canned heat, chocolate teapots, metric adjustable spanners, random lengths of string for measuring things, fireproof lamp oil, clockwork fluorescent tubes, rubber frying pans, bottled daylight, tins of dried water, liver oil toothpaste, invisible footballs, deep fried dust for those on a diet and of course coal polish to make your low grade dusty Somerset coal look like finest Welsh anthracite. For you have to give the kids something to do when they come up from their 19 hour shift down the pit.

Regulars will have spotted Bob Geeza Cat and Rufus Hound simply taking in the scene in the hope that they might get a treat. But hopefully not something off boatman Wilfred’s boat.

And finally, that’s brat granny Beryl’s Austin 7…. But no Beryl. Maybe she’s been abducted by aliens? For she’s always chatted about her wish to date a little green man with three eyes and lots of knobbly bits to play with, but of course she could easily find similar at the local toy train exhibition. 

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Never Trust the Cat

As many will know, Bob Geeza Cat is a regular here, but there has never been a mention of Bob’s owner. Though as any cat owner will know, they actually own us. We are their loyal servants. 

Brat granny Beryl by all accounts is Bob’s owner (or servant), and having heard that he’s been spotted on the railway again, has popped over to take him home. 

But most cats’ main love is that of ‘cupboard love’, for she or he who feeds wins. Will it be Beryl’s tasty tinned pilchards in tomato sauce or hot bacon and sausage fried on the fireman’s coal shovel? But being a geeza of a cat, he’ll almost try and have both options - which will almost certainly be successful. Never trust a cat 🐾

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Fibreglass Face Off

To combat trespass on the line, a couple of scary locomotives with terrifying fibreglass faces have been bought in to scare small children and probably some adults away from the line. 

As they patrol the route, they emit an unnerving canned laughter sound which will make even the most hardened cry “Mummy mummy, please make those cackling hysterical voices go away, they remind me of when you locked us in the cellar whilst you and daddy performed DIY dentistry on each other after an afternoon on the home brew”. 

To celebrate the event, a 5 piece synchronised dance troupe dressed as railway guards called ‘Jimmy & The Wiener Schnitzels’ perform their famous dance and song about different types of curly sausage - apparently it got to number 15 in the Hungarian music hit parade of December 1962. 

Finally Mystic Mog and Bob Geeza Cat have a face off with one of the engines, for they know that behind those featureless moulded faces there’s a reverse switch which can send the engines back to where they came from. 

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Head Codes

 Deep in The Forest, a view down the side passage next to The Miners Arms as old sad eyes number 6313 prepares to depart with a few wagons of freshly loaded coal. 

Deliberation Dave looks at the engine headcode and wonders if it’s correct, and then realises it’s the order for beer at the pub when the engine returns. ‘6B’ being 6 beers, ‘09’ being 9pm, which should of course be 2100 technically, but ignoring that, the order is fully understood by Deliberation Dave who will be getting the first round in.

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Jan Garbarek Quartet

 

With it being a fowlish day outside, so what better than another dip into the negative folder from 3 December 1990. 

Here we are during a sound check and rehearsal of the Jan Garbarek Quartet at the much missed Town & Country Club in Kentish Town. 

I remember Jan Garbarek giving me the evils a couple of times, my Nikon FE MD12 motordrive making quite a clatter, something these things are well-known for as the quartet went through their practice set in the empty echoey hall performing songs from their then recently released 'I Took up the Runes' album.

All images taken on a Nikon FE with 50 & 135mm lenses. Ilford HP5 rated at 1600 asa  

All images my copyright.

Power to the Little People

Here we have a nice summer scene at Catcott before the little people moved in, the bus is driverless, there are no passengers, the engine has no crew, no animals, not even the omnipresent Bob Geeza Cat. What, no cat!?

This photograph from a few years ago does show how adding figures to our model railways brings life, for this scene would be so much better if it had a few people in it. I must admit it’s only since The 2020/2 Zombie Apocalypse of Doom that I started adding little people to my layouts, the delay being mostly due to a hatred of painting them to be honest. But then I discovered that my wife is rather good at performing such. 

Of course there are ready painted figures available, but due to the then pre war Ministry of Miniature Misery adopting OO rather than HO (probably just to be awkward and the fact that our miniature engineering wasn’t as good as that from the other side of the water), many of the mass produced ready painted inch high folk are slightly less than inch high because they’re ‘HO’ which is 1/87 as opposed to our bloated 1/76 ‘OO’ running on the same 16.5mm track. As well as being slightly smaller, they’re often far too skinny to represent the average beer, pie, curry, pizza & post pub kebab loving Brit - I most likely being one of them. 

In the various photos posted here over the last few years, none of the inch high folk are glued into place. For me, half the fun is being able to move them around - photography yielding more interest than running sessions. Useful tip, dab a little Pritt Stick (other glue stick brands are available) under their tiny feet, and you should be able to get them to stand up, certainly long enough to grab a photo or two. Running a flat file under their feet in advance helps too, for not all supplied little people and animals leave the factory flat footed, or flat pawd 🐾

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Skid Mark Monday

The morning goods slows to take the point at the entrance to the incline into Polbrook Gurney Colliery. Due to a very wet season, the trackbed is like a huge sponge and needs more attention that usual. And if you look at the sleeper tops you can see the results of a wagon that jumped the rails a few days ago, the wheels leaving a few skid marks cause by the sharp flanges. Oohh, painful. 

But all is good, for Doug, former twice in a row (‘two times’ for those who have yet to grasp grown-up language) championship gravedigger 1951/2 can work wonders with his shovel, and was able to repack the ballast around the point in just a few minutes to perfection. 

For some reason Barry Bullhead from The Ministry of Misery is here, probably in some time and motion role today. You never can tell with Barry, for he has many jobs, not all known about by his superiors. But he is no threat, for Doug has the shovel and award winning grave-digging skills. 

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Corte Mullen Junction 1986

I've just been scanning off some more of my negs and came across the set I took at Corfe Mullen Junction Crossing on a dull 9th of November 1986. This crossing was in the southernmost section of the former SDJR. 

At the time, both gates were still there and there was even a little track poking out from under the tarmac. 

This section of the line closed around 1969 when freight stopped serving Blandford a few miles northeast. Most of the route closed in 1966. 

Scenes like this are some of the inspiration for my Catcott layout. 

And for the photographer nerds like me. The film is a motion picture version of Ilford FP4. I had a flatmate at the time who worked in a film processing lab. He’d give me short unexposed ends in exchange for a few sovs. Camera? Probably a Minolta XGM with a 35mm Rokkor. The camera was a bit meh, but the lens stellar.

Midweek Monochrome

It’s a midweek miserable Wednesday at Fountain Colliery. And most usually one of Templecombe shed’s Midland 3F locos has made it deep into The Forest on the other side of the Bristol Channel. 

But in the land of the inch high, nothing is beyond the realm of possibility in this rose tinted tiny landscape. But this is one of the joys of playing toy trains, we can do anything we like of course. Though some of the musty tweed clad grumpies might get hot under the collar. 

I make no apologies for yet another black and white photograph, but truth be that I’m enjoying digging out the old cameras and dabbling in film and chemicals - it providing a bit of a break from the pure digital workflow that pays the bills. 

But most importantly we have Bob Geeza cat keeping an eye on things, so all is good. 

Nikon FE, 28mm lens, Fomapan 200 - an affordable old fashioned film from those lovely people in the Czech Republic which my local London Camera Exchange sells from behind the counter “Hello sir, something for your old camera for the weekend?”

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View Through the Back Passage

Here we are at Fountain Colliery and the view from up the back passage where the railway slips in between The Miners Arms and the lodge at the entrance of Barry Bullhead’s huge country estate financed by his ill gotten gains working at The Ministry of Misery and his moonshine side hustle. 

Every Monday there’s an inspection of the line to check for anything that requires the attention of Harry the Hammer. He can do almost anything with his trusty hammer from repacking ballast, replacing rotten sleepers, swapping out expired rail for new. Okay the latter happens very rarely on this make do and mend operation deep in The Forest. 

Bob Geeza Cat usually accompanies the operation, and he being closer to the ground has an obvious advantage over Clive and Deliberation Dave who aren’t as bendy as they used to be struggling to get to Bob’s height. Last week Bob spotted a rail with a hairline crack which when seen from human height wasn’t apparent. All was good, for later in the day Harry the Hammer sorted out the offending rail with his trusty hammer and a suitable rivet. 

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For the photo nerds, today’s photo was taken on traditional film (or ‘fillem’ if from The Grim North). Nikon FE, 55mm Micro Nikkor. Fomapan 200. Home dev. 

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Rail Replacement Bus

In Little England, shrined in law since 1883, all weekend trains have to be replaced with the dreaded rail replacement bus service. Only preserved railways are exempt from this diktat instigated by the then Ministry of Misery to make life miserable and tricky for us minions, and of course the inch high. 

But today, the inch high are very excited with the arrival of a more colourful rail replacement bus than the usual ancient heap of a vehicle. It’s also a lot bigger too due to the popularity of the service which now stops at every pub on route including several of those that aren’t. The service is also hourly with the last pick up being after the pubs shut - a most wonderful and well thought out service. So much so, that many of the regular users have suggested that the service runs all week too. 

However just in case the inch high think this is too much of a good thing, an open topped bus has been rostered, especially seeing there is more than a 50% chance of rain. 

Meanwhile Deliberation Dave and Nasal Nigel are questioning the use of a bus which most certainly isn’t from the steam era. But they’ll get over such a minor issue by the third pub. 

~~~🍻🚎🍻~~~

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Christmas Tree!

Even in olden times signs of Christmas would manifest well and truly early. I remember as a whippersnapper getting on for 50 years ago seeing Xmas stuff in a shop just after the late august bank holiday. But of course we have selective memory and will often filter out such things.

Here in the land of the inch high, even though it’s only November, ‘the tree’ has arrived and is in prime position next to The Pedant & Armchair pub. Inside are the ‘grumblies’ from the local model railway club lining the bar sipping their stale beer muttering to themselves with things like “Oh no, in my day the tree would go up just before Christmas dinner and be taken down a couple of hours thereafter. Then sitting on the floor singing traditional Christmas carols we’d strip all the pine needles off and put them in the kitchen pot to boil away for days and days to have as a nice broth. That high fibre broth would keep us going right through January. Luxury it was. The youth of today know nothing! Mother and father would then beat us with the now bare twigs of pine before locking us up in the cold cellar until New Year’s Day. Those were the days, oh yes…..”

Meanwhile outside here many of the regulars of my frequent drivel enjoying the passing train and that the clouds have briefly broken to reveal blue sky. A rarity this time of year. 

~~~🎄~~~

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