Raquel from Accounts

Racy Raquel from the accounts department loves a puffing steamy locomotive, and even more those who crew such hot throbbing machines of slimy oil, greasy metal and sweaty steam, whilst dripping hot fluids from every joint. 

Bob Geeza Cat is really taken with Raquel, and has even ordered his personal catering department to turn up with some fishy treats to tempt her. Though potted fermented herring heads in aspic understandably might not be her thing. 

Deliberation Dave, doesn’t really understand girls, for ‘Mother’ warned him about such creatures, so he concentrates on his note book, anything to avoid eye contact. Mother, it turns out doesn’t want him to leave home, even though he’s turning 63 in the new year. 

Then something very strange happened…..

 

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Elimination of the Internal Combustion Engine

And here we are under the watchful misguided eye of Barry Bullhead from the Ministry of Mayhem testing out more crazy ideas to supposedly increase productivity and misery. 

They’re also testing out using animals in a move to eliminate internal combustion engines as part of making a greener planet as well as making the billionaires even richer. 

In the unlikelihood of this being successful, there are plans afoot for passengers to pull their own trains, starting with the more northerly parts of HS1.9 which is currently under construction. 

Back to the photo; Hubert the conversational Latin speaking horse is very strong indeed, and can easily pull the load (see the video below), but whilst double height container trains aren’t unknown, bridges or tunnels could be just the start of many issues.  

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Leading the way with methane powered trains

 

Today in the land of the inch high they’re trying out a new gas turbine train on a remote branch line to test out the tilting mechanism on tight curves. 

It’s to be initially rolled out in rural areas so it can make use of farmyard methane, of which there can be plenty. It will also be used on inch high London services and will be fuelled by inch high Westminster guff (which is 99% methane), with most major inch high termini having a direct pipeline to Parliament and other inch high governmental buildings. 

In due course inch high local government offices will also be linked by gas pipeline to larger provincial railway stations. 

If successful, methane powered trains could rolled out in N gauge as well as O gauge and possibly TT. S gauge is unlikely due to complete lack of demand, and Z gauge due to engineering limits. 

OO gauge inch high Little England leads the way!!! Hurrah!

Parp💨

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USA Tank

 Quite what one of Southampton Dock’s ‘USA tanks’ is doing at Polbrook Gurney Colliery I’ve no idea. But that’s one of the joys of model railways in that you can bend history, time, place  and view things through those rose tinted spectacles. Actually that’s an odd phrase, I’ll need to Google it. 

The very functional looking engine does look at home in this industrial landscape, and I gather in real life at least one ended up being owned by The National Coal Board. 

Note the old Northern United wagon, but now with British Railways numbering due to nationalisation. This wasn’t unusual in olden times with wooden wagons being scrapped and replaced with steel ones, money wasn’t wasted on repainting.

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T’ Grim North

Old wheezing 17 takes the grade on some remote line in T’ Grim North with a rake of loaded coal trucks destined for some miserable impoverished northern town or city. 

The coal won’t be burned, but is part of the ‘five a day’ in that northern diet which often consists of wholesome things like iron railings, cardboard, hessian, soot and warm stale mild ale.

Meanwhile there appears to be a banking engine on the rear. But this is not actually the case, the guard is having a barbecue on the veranda of the brake van, the hessian steaks giving off a good amount of smoke as they always do when seasoned with soot and used sump oil. 

With apologies to those in T’ Grim North. 

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Randy Andy

Click to enlarge

Working from left to right, new kid on the block Benny is rolling oak casks of moonshine about, he does this a couple of times a week as part of the ageing process. Quite why they haven’t been stolen I’ve no idea, but the note with Thames Water stamped on to the side has probably put thieves off. 

Bob Geeza Cat is inspecting his weekly delivery of Devon cream, potted pilchards, tinned herrings and desiccated fish hooves (I’ve never heard of such either) from posh pet food suppliers Fishgut & Kibble. 

Beryl, our favourite racy 95 year old hell-raising granny has arrived to help Bob take his luxury goodies back to her lovely warm country cottage. Bob has many homes, and is currently residing with Beryl because she’s the only member of the inch high with central heating and very expensive soft furnishings. Though quite why Fishgut & Kibble didn’t deliver directly to Beryl’s cottage I’ve no idea. 

And finally, Beryl has a new humble man servant who can take care of all her needs, he’s simply called ‘Andrew’ and rumour has it until recently had royal connections. She found him wandering in the woods, apparently homeless, so has taken him in on trial as her new ‘man who can’. We all know that Beryl loves a man who can, especially if younger than herself and with a slightly randy reputation, though he might have other ideas.  

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