Breaking News! Price of Coal Triples!

Monday shenanigans at the colliery weighbridge, and all passing trains have to pay a toll to pass through, for there is no other route out of the colliery. If not, Gary the Greaser will paint the locomotive crew and wheel treads with slippery grease, not something that’s ideal on the steeply graded colliery railway, and not pleasant for the locomotive crew on a hot sweaty footplate. 

Meanwhile, unconnected to the devious toll antics, Bob Geeza Cat is trying to shift jars of moonshine made from fermented milk. Sadly this particular rancid batch isn’t selling well, despite its high alcohol rating, so Bob is doing everything he can to try to shift it, even at the risk of making a loss. 

And finally, potential shortage of coal has caused the price to triple, and in some areas it’s even run out. The abandoned steam roller on the bridge being one of the first victims. 

You couldn’t made it up. 

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6 Hour Cross-legged Buttock Clenching Ordeal

Railway enthusiasts love a brakevan special. The lure of a long journey of discomfort without soft furnishings, a restaurant car and possibly more importantly lack of a toilet, attracts those young and old, and occasionally those in between who were victims of a stag night prank that went wrong. 

Organised by the SLS (Slow Locomotive Society), this short train of just 4 brakevans hauled by an Ivatt Class 2 tank engine has provided the power all the way from North Somerset to Fountain Colliery here in deep in The Forest of Dean. 

You might wonder why there are so few merry souls here, that’s because half of them are out of shot in the bushes relieving themselves after their 6 hour cross-legged buttock clenching ordeal regretting those pints they had before boarding the train. 

What happens in The Forest, stays in The Forest. 

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Day Trip to Frome

Saturday morning at Polbrook Gurney Colliery Halt and the 9.03am Chilcompton to Frome service slows to collect passengers. Today’s train consisting of a single former Midland Railway wooden panelled coach that smells of fungus, urine, stale beer and pipe smoke. And on the nose we have one of Highbridge Shed’s Johnson 1P 0-4-4 tanks which was modified during WW2 so it could also produce moonshine whilst performing railway duties. 

Working from left to right, Bob Geeza Cat has received some samples of the latest ‘shine, this batch starting life as milk, which is then fermented and distilled to produce 180% proof liquor. It’s rather an acquired taste, but will no doubt be popular with Horlicks and Ovaltine fanatics who want a depth charge of something a little less soporific and more invigorating. 

Next we have Smelly Suitcase Sandy, he likes to dress as a bellboy, even though he isn’t one. His tiny suitcase is thought to contains spam sandwiches, Tizer and a dried head which is believed to be that of his sister’s. His sister disappeared around 5 years ago and hasn’t been seen since. Sandy is a good friend of Nasal Nigel should anyone ask. 

Then we have Rufus Hound, who has today adopted national treasure Uncle Bob as his custodian. Bob is researching for his forthcoming minority interest railway themed television series aimed at schoolboys with no friends and boring late middle-aged musty tweed-clad old duffers who still live with ‘mother’. 

And finally we have tiny Fifi, who is quite unusual in that her head can rotate a full 360 degrees at 78 rpm if she’s had too much sugar or is listening to that new fangled ‘skiffle’ music. Our favourite hell’s granny Beryl has bought Fifi along to teach her a few tricks like pick-pocketing and sneaking in to bars and pubs undetected by the landlord. 

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