Big Bang in Them Hills...

 

A bucolic Thursday down in the inch high Devon as a grain wagon of malted barley is being dropped off. Officially it’s going to be turned into jars of sweet malt extract for weedy anaemic types who refuse to lick rusty iron railings.

Back in olden times all children were encouraged to lick iron railings, or if they didn’t have such, they could always lick rails, busy railway lines being ideal because of the tiny iron filings resulting from passing trains as the wheels wore down the tops of the rails. 

 

Unofficially, the malted barley will be turned in to a mash and fermented as the first stage of moonshine production before distilling. The flatbed lorry on the left will shortly depart with a crate of freshly potted ‘shine. The set up here is all very professional and organised with Barry Bullhead from The Ministry of Misery in charge - this of course being just a side hustle for him, for the Ministry would almost certainly not approve. 

 

Meanwhile, several miles away in Somerset, moonshine production is somewhat more ‘agricultural’, with explosions occurring most days, many of which can be seen from up to 40 miles away. The cloud here most likely being the result of such an incident high up on the Mendip Hills. 

 

And finally, a bit of trivia - the famous cheesy Cheddar Gorge tourist trap, whilst most people think it was formed by natural erosion over millions of years, it was in fact the result to a major moonshine explosion in 1883 when a truckle of cheddar cheese was accidentally dropped in to the still. 

 

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Let’s start a campaign to bring back licking iron railings to counteract childhood anaemia - you can help here www.buymeacoffee.com/Nevardmedi3 - cheers