Passport to The Forest

 

The Miners arms is right on the boundary of the Forest of Dean, and in the last few hours has become a tax free principality like that of Somerset. This has the advantage of allowing legal moonshine production and the mining of beautiful steam coal much to the irritation of the suits in Whitehall.

Here we have Harry and his Hunslet passing the newly set up customs point on their way into the colliery to collect a few wagons of freshly mined ‘black diamond’. Though the engine appears to be burning something low grade like Nasal Nigel’s underwear

Under the watchful eye of pipe smoking Locksmith (who is smoking something special created in his huge tropical greenhouse) and Barry Bullhead from the Ministry of Mayhem, they check over the temporary barriers marking the boundary. 

George the landlord of the pub has popped out with a wheel barrow to collect the toll monies, something that they hope to be plentiful, with gold and precious stones being the preferred currency 

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Summer Solstice at Stonehenge

It's 4.52 am and the little people celebrate finishing the 'Stone Henge' on the day of the Summer Solstice, and as you can see, it's a bit of a rush job with broken and misshapen stones. It was also built too small due to an error interpreting the plan due to the plan being in metres and confused with feet. 

Personally I think that was means of cutting costs, hoping that ‘nobody will notice’, though tourists are frequently heard saying “oh, it’s a lot smaller than I thought it might be”. 

But sadly now the railway has no further use, so it will shortly be turned in a new road called 'The A303' - though something more glamorous like 'Highway to the Sun' would be nicer, with it likely to be a popular holiday route to the West Country - especially with traffic queue fanatics and caravan fanciers from Bedfordshire called Malcolm and Doris.

Downgraded HS2

With The Ministry of Mayhem yet again downgrading HS2 with a plan to make it run slower, trials are underway with motive power and rolling stock. All secondhand of course to further save costs which can then be passed on to shareholders and other investors. 

The consist here will be able to run over land where the railway hasn’t even been built, the tractor making easy work of farmland and narrow country lanes as well as allowing street running in urban areas. 

Only a small carriage will be required, because high ticket prices will be far too expensive for the proletariat. But that doesn’t matter, because the initial target passenger demographic now work from home anyway.

Freddy the Flag

Harry Hunslet and his trusty loco pauses briefly at the end of the line by the pithead to collect an old mineral wagon still displaying a rather faded ‘Northern United’ livery. It must be a good twenty years since it last had a lick of paint, though British Railways have popped their number on it to display their now ownership. 

On the buffer beam, Bob Geeza Cat is taking advantage of the heat from the engine on what is a chillier than normal early June morning. But once the clouds clear it will warm up, for there is a heatwave forecast for the weekend. Bob like all cats loves a heatwave. 

In front of the engine. Freddy the Flag who comes from Wales is fairly new to the railway having learned his flag waving skills walking in front of cars to make sure that they go no faster than walking pace. But he fancied a change, so now works on the railway doing much the same, but none of the locomotive crews pay any attention to him. So with this in mind he’ll likely head back to Wales where there is quite a shortage due to the increase in car ownership and the high mortality rate of traffic calming flag wavers. 

📷 Pentax Spotmatic, 28mm Tamron lens, Ilford FP4 film. 

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Hells Belles

 

A once in a lifetime achievement photograph as celebrity snapper Ivan Locksmith manages to capture the passing of the up and down Devon Belle, or is it down and up? I’m sure you the loyal viewer/reader will be able to tell from the angle of the light and highly distinctive giveaway location. 

Travelling in the observation coach, retired bank robber and stockbroker Edwin Smythe-Groom-Pynch, his feeble son Hilary (known as Hells Bells by his public school mates) and timid semi estranged wife Fiona ‘Fifi’ are travelling in style. 

When booking the tickets he thought that the observation car would be facing forward in the direction of travel. He has however calmed down after having a go at the locomotive fireman who handed him a lump of burning coal from the firebox as a thank you souvenir for being so delightful and charming. 

The Devon Belle, reputedly named after pole dancer in a Soho club frequented by leading members of the Southern Railway publicity department was an express train which ran between London Waterloo, Plymouth and Ilfracombe. 

When ordering tickets, you couldn’t choose your final destination, whether you ended up in Plymouth or Ilfracombe, that being left to the whim of the ticket office. Your tickets were handed over in a gilt envelope which could only be opened after purchase. For this reason, the service only ran between 1947 and 1954, the wealthy moving to air travel to continue the joy of never quite knowing where they or their luggage might end up. 

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Sunday Shenanigans

The locomotive, an old Midland Railway one allocated to Highbridge shed, is on loan to the light railway, it has replaced to more usual industrial tank locomotive which is away for an ‘up and under’. The train behind it is a mixture of old wagons, the extra brake van being used to carry passengers and quite frequently accommodation for those who’ve been temporarily thrown out by their better halves. 

The cattle wagon is used for covert transportation of illicit booze, such being hidden inside casks disguised as sheep and occasionally cows. This is further helped by one of those new fangled ‘tape recorders’ playing out ‘bah bah’ and ‘moo moooo’ sounds. 

Meanwhile Neil is kneeling down chatting to Rufus Hound telling him that he’s such a clever boy. Rufus Hound thinks that Neil is an idiot, but goes along with it hoping for a treat by woefully looking in to Neil’s eyes in the way that only dogs can do. 

Soon to be retired Arthritic Arthur is chatting to Barry Bullhead from the Ministry of Mayhem about his huge garden gnome collection, Arthur that is, Barry isn’t really a man for hobbies and such. Barry is more of a side hustle kind of chap, and as we know runs a moonshine and booze running business on the side. 

An finally, the omnipresent Bob Geeza Cat completes the scene rather like Terrence Cuneo’s mouse. 

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Wandering Cats & the Futility of Being Seen to Do Something

 

Click to enlarge 

Here we are at Fountain Colliery deep in The Forest in the middle of nowhere, which is south of north nowhere, and west of eastern nowhere. Rather like the insipid county Bedfordshire, which most will only quickly pass through on the A421 as they cross from the A1 to the M1, or occasionally visa versa. 

Today, Taunton Fairwater yard’s scruffy yellow peril of a shunting engine is pottering about with a couple of random ballast/aggregate hopper wagons. I’ve no idea why this train is in the colliery yard, but as regular readers will know, not a great deal of what I post makes a great deal of sense, certainly from a railway prototypical point of view. 

But ‘moving on’, using the language of the work-from-home former office kids of the corporate world, former artisan ice cream makers, now turned security guards, Ben & Gerry have spotted Bob Geeza Cat mooching about and are chasing him away. 

I’m not sure why, for such a place isn’t a dangerous spot for a nimble cat, but certainly not a good place for Ben & Gerry who could easily slip or trip in pursuance of this pointless activity. But I suppose they do need to be seen to be doing something, because their role will almost certainly be target led like so many things today. 

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Gritty Monochrome Moody Monday

 

Arthritic Arthur has just climbed down from the engine to couple a few wagons up during the morning shunt. But he’s now struggling to get back on the engine, so will quite likely simply go to the pub which is just out of frame to the left. 

But retirement beckons, so soon he’ll be able to get back to his ever expanding bungalow garden gnome collection without the distraction of work. Rumour has it, his gnome collection is even bigger than most DCC sound fitted BR Blue Class 37 locomotive collections owned by TMD owners - but having seen and photographed many such layouts over the years, I think that’s quite unlikely. 

He’ll hopefully also be able to finally complete a miniature working windmill that he currently has on the kitchen table. Mrs Arthritic Arthur will be pleased, though rumour has it she’s just another gnome in his collection, for she’s never been seen. 

Meanwhile Bob Geeza Cat looks down from his lofty perch, Bob as many here will know, always appears when there are nefarious things about to happen. 

Pic grabbed on a 42 year old Zenit 12XP (found just a mile way on Marketplace for £15) 50mm Zeiss Jena Tessar. Ilford HP5. Smoke borrowed from a photo I took at the Watercress Line Steam Gala a few week ago, also on film. 

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