Midweek Monochrome

It’s a midweek miserable Wednesday at Fountain Colliery. And most usually one of Templecombe shed’s Midland 3F locos has made it deep into The Forest on the other side of the Bristol Channel. 

But in the land of the inch high, nothing is beyond the realm of possibility in this rose tinted tiny landscape. But this is one of the joys of playing toy trains, we can do anything we like of course. Though some of the musty tweed clad grumpies might get hot under the collar. 

I make no apologies for yet another black and white photograph, but truth be that I’m enjoying digging out the old cameras and dabbling in film and chemicals - it providing a bit of a break from the pure digital workflow that pays the bills. 

But most importantly we have Bob Geeza cat keeping an eye on things, so all is good. 

Nikon FE, 28mm lens, Fomapan 200 - an affordable old fashioned film from those lovely people in the Czech Republic which my local London Camera Exchange sells from behind the counter “Hello sir, something for your old camera for the weekend?”

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View Through the Back Passage

Here we are at Fountain Colliery and the view from up the back passage where the railway slips in between The Miners Arms and the lodge at the entrance of Barry Bullhead’s huge country estate financed by his ill gotten gains working at The Ministry of Misery and his moonshine side hustle. 

Every Monday there’s an inspection of the line to check for anything that requires the attention of Harry the Hammer. He can do almost anything with his trusty hammer from repacking ballast, replacing rotten sleepers, swapping out expired rail for new. Okay the latter happens very rarely on this make do and mend operation deep in The Forest. 

Bob Geeza Cat usually accompanies the operation, and he being closer to the ground has an obvious advantage over Clive and Deliberation Dave who aren’t as bendy as they used to be struggling to get to Bob’s height. Last week Bob spotted a rail with a hairline crack which when seen from human height wasn’t apparent. All was good, for later in the day Harry the Hammer sorted out the offending rail with his trusty hammer and a suitable rivet. 

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For the photo nerds, today’s photo was taken on traditional film (or ‘fillem’ if from The Grim North). Nikon FE, 55mm Micro Nikkor. Fomapan 200. Home dev. 

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Rail Replacement Bus

In Little England, shrined in law since 1883, all weekend trains have to be replaced with the dreaded rail replacement bus service. Only preserved railways are exempt from this diktat instigated by the then Ministry of Misery to make life miserable and tricky for us minions, and of course the inch high. 

But today, the inch high are very excited with the arrival of a more colourful rail replacement bus than the usual ancient heap of a vehicle. It’s also a lot bigger too due to the popularity of the service which now stops at every pub on route including several of those that aren’t. The service is also hourly with the last pick up being after the pubs shut - a most wonderful and well thought out service. So much so, that many of the regular users have suggested that the service runs all week too. 

However just in case the inch high think this is too much of a good thing, an open topped bus has been rostered, especially seeing there is more than a 50% chance of rain. 

Meanwhile Deliberation Dave and Nasal Nigel are questioning the use of a bus which most certainly isn’t from the steam era. But they’ll get over such a minor issue by the third pub. 

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Christmas Tree!

Even in olden times signs of Christmas would manifest well and truly early. I remember as a whippersnapper getting on for 50 years ago seeing Xmas stuff in a shop just after the late august bank holiday. But of course we have selective memory and will often filter out such things.

Here in the land of the inch high, even though it’s only November, ‘the tree’ has arrived and is in prime position next to The Pedant & Armchair pub. Inside are the ‘grumblies’ from the local model railway club lining the bar sipping their stale beer muttering to themselves with things like “Oh no, in my day the tree would go up just before Christmas dinner and be taken down a couple of hours thereafter. Then sitting on the floor singing traditional Christmas carols we’d strip all the pine needles off and put them in the kitchen pot to boil away for days and days to have as a nice broth. That high fibre broth would keep us going right through January. Luxury it was. The youth of today know nothing! Mother and father would then beat us with the now bare twigs of pine before locking us up in the cold cellar until New Year’s Day. Those were the days, oh yes…..”

Meanwhile outside here many of the regulars of my frequent drivel enjoying the passing train and that the clouds have briefly broken to reveal blue sky. A rarity this time of year. 

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Voightlander Vitomatic ii a

Another old camera from my collection. A Voightlander Vitomatic ii a. 

This German made 35mm rangefinder camera was originally my grandfather’s, and dates from between 1960 and 1963. 

It’s still fully working apart from the rangefinder patch has faded. But I can use an external rangefinder placed on the accessory shoe or simply zone focus. 

Surprisingly the coupled selenium light meter still works, but is around 2/3 of a stop out. But the ISO dial can be adjusted to compensate. 

The lens which appears to be multi coated is a 50mm f2.8 Color-Skopar which is a Tessar type design with 4 elements in 3 groups. 

Unusually the leaf shutter is behind the lens rather than between the front and rear optics.

And finally, the camera will not work without a film loaded, which makes checking the lens and shutter speeds tricky.

Collapsible Engine

 

Down at the wharf, a SR Q1 ‘Austerity’ 0-6-0 collapsible goods locomotive simmers next to an overhead water tank, which as usual in the land of the inch high is unlikely to contain water. 

These engines are clever that when in out of use, they fold right back in on themselves like a compressed furnace bellows or folding camera to save space. Then when fired, up they slowly expand to full working length as the boiler pressure increases. I’m not quite sure how it works with the inner gubbins and wheels, I’m no engineer, but that Oliver Bulleid is a very clever designer indeed. 

Waving Willy jokingly waves to camera whilst shouting out “you’ve left the lens cap on”. Meanwhile Bob Geeza Cat is trying to charm his new fancy Mystic Mog, who with her psychic feline abilities knows exactly what Bob has planned for her, but her skills probably aren’t required for such 🐾

Former champion boxer, wrestler and all round cheeky chappie Driver Gaylord Grip leans on the engine buffer beam with his usual ‘hello darlin’ fancy comin’ darn the boozer for a Babysham or two’ pose. It’s such a habit he even does this when are aren’t any ladies around, or ‘bit of skirt’ as he calls the fairer sex. 

And finally, Freddy the Flag is keeping an eye on operational activities, making sure that railway things only move when he flaps his flappy red flag.

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Olympus mju ii

 Another camera from the collection.  A late 1990s 35mm Olympus mju ii. I’ve not run a film through it for years, but I popped a battery in the other day and everything appears to work okay running a gash film through it to check wind on etc. I’ll be putting it properly through its paces soon. 

These were pretty well the pinnacle of a point and shoot cameras until digital took over shortly afterwards. It’s fully auto in pretty well everything, even when loading the film you simply place it in the rear, the camera automatically threading it and winding on to the first frame. 

For an all plastic camera they’re going for silly money these days, silly as in expensive. Probably due to it appealing to fashion conscious hipsters seeking that analogue experience. 

But they do have the advantage in that the user doesn’t have to know anything about photography to get a good result, technically if nothing else. So for this reason they fulfill the purpose they were designed for. 

I forgot to take a shot of the camera in closed position, the sliding shell hiding and protecting the lens when not in use making it quite small. 

The other day I grabbed the camera in its soft case and put it in my pocket thinking it was my wallet! This is didn’t realise until I got home and emptied my pockets.

Follow the Rainbow

From time to time I get asked how the inch high people know where to buy their moonshine from. It’s a combination of things, ranging from bribing Bob Geeza Cat with tinned pilchards (in tomato sauce of course), carefully chatting to one of Barry Bullhead, or Terry Tuttle Thomas Smythe’s many minions, or if out on the Somerset Levels following a rainbow. With the constant mix of drizzle, fog and sunshine, finding a suitable rainbow is an easy task for those seeking an illicit boozy fix. 

Posh girls, Dizzy Lizzie and Socially Challenged Teresa are well rehearsed in tracking down a fresh supply of illicit gin, with a carefully positioned rainbow leading them straight to one of the many moonshine plants out on the moors, which today just so happens to be in the disused goods shed at Catcott. 

‘D&T’ as they’re known to their self-serving entitled friends around Westminster, have even bought an old banger for the task, the mix of mismatched paintwork, replacement panels and mostly rust helps the car blend in with the landscape extremely well, allowing them to hide in plain sight far better than their usual chauffeur driven Bentley. 

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Ferdinand Upright the Fifth

A regular Saturday at Whitehall Halt. Upper class half brother twits Henry Bootright-Buttomhook and Toby Slipbottom-Whypeclean-Corduroy are waiting for their train to Tiverton Junction. 

There they’ll catch the Bristol service to meet their strange uncle Ferdinand Upright the Fifth who has a magnificent collection of stuffed performing ants in the loft of his huge Clifton townhouse with views of the bridge. 

 

They might be a little late, for the little engine here has to drop off its wagons at the Hemyock creamery before collecting the passenger coach for the return trip to Tiverton Junction. This will take a good couple of hours, so they might be better off walking to Culmstock and catching the bus. Though to be honest they’ll probably get lost, even with a map and compass due to excessive inbreeding. 

 

But trust funders Henry & Toby have few worries in the world, no deadlines, no financial problems, and they do live in a very very big house with staff and of course ‘Nanny’. One would have thought they’d get the chauffeur to take them to see Ferdinand, but it’s been decided that they must get out in the real world if they want that career ahead in politics. 

 

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£12 Ticket to Scotland

On the 3rd of March 1987 I was in Inverness, having travelled all the way from Salisbury the previous day on a £12 British Rail offer that was running at the time. Captured on Kodachrome, here we have 47617 on a return express from Hogwarts Castle heading for platform 9 3/4 at King’s Cross way down south in that there London.

On this service, by the mid 1980s former GWR steam engines painted in red with matching carriages had been replaced with class 47 locomotives which would haul a collection of mismatched livery rolling stock.

 

It’s rumoured that the young student magicians travelling south would perform all sorts of tricks, changing carriage and sometimes engine liveries with a few taps of the magic wand. It used to drive British Rail and crews mad with all the magical pranks. This train here looking like a victim of such childish behaviour.

Haggis, neeps and tatties fans will notice the Haggis pens in the foreground, which in the weeks leading up to the 25th of January would be literally full of freshly reared Haggis being fattened up whilst waiting to be slaughtered and cooked for the Burns Night supper. 

 

This scene has changed quite a bit in the 37 years since I took this photograph. The semaphore signals are long gone, as is the locomotive, carriages and much of the infrastructure, but most noticeably the Haggis pen area is now a car park. 

These days, former EU regulations dictate that freshly reared battery Haggis as well as wild Haggis must now be kept undercover for the lead up to Burns Night on the 25th of January. 

 

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